This one I am still working on, but with experience you definitely start to learn ways that work and ways that don’t. I’ll give you a few examples of ways that don’t work and then share with you ways that do, or at least in my experience so far.
Don’t turn everything into a fight. It’s not worth it and things don’t get solved that way. If you are having a disagreement, talk it out and discuss it.
Don’t ignore the issues. If you ignore them they will build up and one day you will explode. It’s not healthy to keep things to yourself when they bother you. If something bothers you, address it, your partner should understand.
Don’t end it when one person is still unhappy, then the problem isn’t actually solved. If one person is satisfied and the other is not, then the problem may arise again in the future.
Don’t let it end just because you don’t want to talk about it anymore. That usually means that it will come up again.
Don’t bring up the past, especially if that problem was already solved. There is no need to resurface issues that have been dealt with, it will only cause more problems.
And here is what I have learned so far
Do talk things through, don’t yell or scream or name call. Try to talk it out.
Do solve the problem the best you can, even if it means talking about it for a long time. It can get frustrating and annoying, but in the end it’s probably worth it.
Do go to bed happy. If you go to bed still angry, it will only cause the issue to drag on longer than it needs to and you probably won’t get much sleep.
Do try to satisfy both parties. Which may mean compromising; just make sure that the compromise is fair and you are both satisfied.
And I am sure there are more Do’s and Don’ts but as I evolve in my own relationships these will come with time and experience.
I received this email below as a forward, but I found it extremely relevant, and useful. I’ve already referred to it
|This took me less than a minute to read and is a great reminder of an EXCELLENT, simplistic principle.
10% of life is made up of what happens to you.
…90% of life is decided by how you react…
What does this mean?
We really have NO control over 10% of what happens to us.
You cannot control a red light.
However, you can control your reaction.
Do not let people fool you
YOU can control how you react.
Let us use an example…
You’re having breakfast with your family.
Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what just happened.
What happens next will determine by how you react.
You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears.
After scolding her, you turn to your wife and you criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows.
You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish her breakfast and getting ready to go to school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
Because you are late, you drive 40 miles per hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60.00 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 min late, you realize you forgot your briefcase.
Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.
When you arrive home you find a small wedge in your relationship with your wife and your daughter.
Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “D”
You had no control over what happened with the coffee.
How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you.
Your daughter is about to cry.
You gently say: “It’s ok, honey, you just need to be more careful next time.”
Grabbing a towel you go upstairs and change your shirt. You grab your briefcase, and you come back down in time to look through the window and see your daughter getting on the bus.
She turns and waves. You arrive 5 min early and cheerfully greet the staff.
Notice the difference?
Two different scenarios, both started the same, both ended different. Why?
Because of how you reacted.
You really have no control over 10% of what happens in your life. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.
Have a great day-unless you have made other plans!!!