Monthly Archives: April 2011

It’s Official

I moved out of my apartment this past weekend. But it wasn’t easy. It was the busiest weekend I’ve had in a long time.

On Friday, the boyfriend and I went up to his family cottage to open it for the season. Our day started at 8am with a 2 and a half hour drive and didn’t end until after 10pm.

Saturday was the first of two moving days. Since I’m moving back home, the boyfriend and I have decided to split our time between my parents house and his parents house. So, half my stuff went to my dads and the other half went to his parents. Saturday was the move to my dads.

I thought I was organized and ready to go, but boy was I wrong. When we arrived at the apartment on Saturday morning, I really didn’t have anything organized. The boxes weren’t taped up, I had stuff in places all over the apartment. What I thought should have taken an hour ended up taking a couple of hours. But, we got it done and we drove north of the city to unpack.

I’ve moved home after leaving once before, but that was for university so the experience is completely different. But moving home after living on your own, paying bills with your hard-earned money rather than student loans, is a very surreal experience. The reasons for moving out of my parents house when I did no longer apply, but I couldn’t help but be a little sad.

Sunday was the final moving day. The remainder of my stuff was going to the boyfriend’s house. The big stuff, like my bed, went to my dads. My day-to-day stuff was coming with me. Once the car was packed and we were on our way west of the city, I couldn’t help but think about everything that has happened to me in the past 9 months and how much everything has changed. It’s scary because the boyfriend and I have always had a place to go for ourselves. It wasn’t ideal, but it was a place to be alone. Now, we don’t really have a place to get away. I’m curious to see what happens now. I’m confident that the boyfriend and I will do just fine, but it will be interesting nonetheless.

I am exhausted today. The weekend has caught up to me. But it’s nice to know that I will be going “home” with the boyfriend. This is the beginning to the next adventure in our lives together.

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Healthy/Delicious Recipe #1

Ok you non health freaks, it’s time to eat better. Stop stuffing your faces with donuts and deliciousness… ok who am I kidding?!?! Why should we stop eating delish foods? So I’m going to provide you with a healthy, yet yummy salad that is easy to make and you can bring it for lunch.

HOLD THE PHONE!!!! Isn’t this a blog about relationships? and love? and all that other gushy stuff? Well, of course it is. But it’s also about life, and my life. And if we want to live any sort of life at all we need to keep ourselves healthy and happy. If your happy with your life then you can be happy in a relationship. I’ve learned that if you don’t feel confident with yourself, with your health and/or body then you can’t be in a healthy relationship.

Before I give you my awesome recipe (that I stole from the boyfriend’s mom) I’m going to tell you a side story about why I’ve decided to eat healthy and just overall become healthy (other than avoiding putting on any extra pounds).

If you refer back to my very first blog post I said “No guy should ever tell their lady they are fat”. Do I need to get into why? But I also go on to say that I dated a guy who may not have used the words “you’re fat” but he definitely implied it. I was extremely self-conscious and I hated everything about my body. I never felt sexy or wanted and I really needed that. It’s no wonder the relationship ended.

At that time I was also training for a 10K (my first real run!!) and I couldn’t run longer than 5 minutes without giving up. I knew I could do it, I knew I had it in me but I wasn’t confident enough with myself to actually make it through the whole 10K. When the relationship ended I had a realization that all those Cosmo articles I read are true: If you are not happy with yourself, you can’t be happy in a relationship. As soon as the relationship ended my running improved. I was able to run almost the entire 10K without too much trouble, and it has only been improving since.

I may have not lost weight, but my health and my happiness have definitely improved.

So, without further adieu:

Quinoa Salad
1 cup Quinoa
2 cups vegetable broth
peas (canned)
corn (canned)
1 red and/or green pepper
cucumber
light greek salad dressing to taste
Flaked tuna or chicken is optional

Bring vegetable broth and quinoa to a boil, reduce heat to low cover and cook for 15 min. Meanwhile, cook peas and corn. Once quinoa is cooked, fluff. Place in fridge to let cool. Dice the pepper and cucumber. Once the quinoa is cooled, mix all ingredients. Place in glass lunch container and refrigerate. Enjoy for lunch! (or dinner, whatever).

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It’s Monday… Again

Happy Monday!!

If I was a morning person I could get so much more accomplished. I would wake up really early, workout, get ready and eat breakfast. But I’m not, so I don’t.

The boyfriend and I have been going to the bootcamp for 2 weeks now and we have to keep track of everything we eat. One of the first things they told us we were doing wrong was eating a shitty breakfast. We were having instant oatmeal or a Tim Horton’s bagel. Apparently that’s really bad!! So we’ve cut out the instant oatmeal and the delicious bagels. Instead we’ve been eating Ezekiel bread (which is supposed to be really good for you, no preservatives etc..) and a protein shake.  I have noticed a huge difference, I’m not hungry at 10am anymore and I can totally wait until lunch to eat. And then I am not hungry in the afternoon and I can wait until dinner to eat.

I am really serious about this bootcamp thing. I want to follow the rules so I can see a difference, otherwise I wasted money on the damn thing. We are only allowed 2 cheats a week, we have to drink a ton of water and we can’t eat white carbs, “If it’s white, it ain’t right!”. I think I’ve done a good job!!

The one thing I am not doing a good job on is not drinking. It’s not like I drink a lot anymore, but I told myself I would try not to drink at all and have soda water instead. Sometimes it works and others, well I end up having one or two (which isn’t so bad, but do you know how many calories are in ONE beer?? and I love beer!!!!).  But you can’t deprive yourself of everything, otherwise what’s the point?

So, there is something I have kept from all of you. I am moving, again! Not that that’s a big deal, but I’m moving back home… Why? well I need to save money. If you have a choice to live at home or to live on your own, live at home! It’s cheaper and you can save to buy your own place one day. I started to big move yesterday. I’ll miss living on my own, and in the city (since I’m moving out of the city), but I know that in the end this is for the best.

The crazy part of it all is that if I didn’t move out of my parents house a year ago I probably would not have started dating the boyfriend as soon as I did, or even at all. Who knows. But I know that being out of my parents house had a huge factor in it all. So I look back on this experience fondly. And the apartment I live in is where the relationship began. He helped me move into the apartment even before we were dating. However, as with everything in life, this is just the next chapter and I look forward to the change!

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“You Make Your Bed, You Lie in it”

My dad’s famous saying. Well that and “Unbelievable”. He usually uses “unbelievable” when he can’t believe someone did something. For example, when my stepmom didn’t empty the dishwasher, but proceeded to put dirty dishes into it when it’s clean/full. Or when my brother goes to put garbage in the already full to the rim garbage bin but swears he “didn’t notice”. If you haven’t noticed the trend, it usually has to do with cleanliness. And that’s where I get my “OCD” on cleanliness from.

But I digress, this post is supposed to be about making your bed and… well I guess it’s not that big of a digression. Anyway….

Ever since I can remember my dad has always told my sister and I that we are responsible for the decisions we make. If we make a bad decision, we have to deal with the consequences. If we make a good decision, well then that’s when he can take the credit for raising us right! Of course he would give us his opinion if we asked, but never really forced his beliefs on us. The one thing my dad did have was the “disappointed look”, the look that was worse than anger. The look you would cry over because “how could I possibly disappoint my dad?”. And it was that look that I saw when I made decisions.

But what happens when a parent completely removes themself from their childs decision-making? What if the parent lets the child make whatever decision they want without warning them of the consequences? Who do these children become? Well, I bet those children become the adults that struggle to get through life. Maybe they end up in jail, or in major financial trouble, because their parents never taught them how to make the “right” decisions.

Sure my dad had the mentality that “you make your bed, you lie in it”, but he still had a way of letting us know if the decisions we were making were the “right” ones (the reason I quote “right” is because who really knows what the right decisions are? Maybe my right decision isn’t your right decision).

I’m sure being a parent to a teenager is one of the most difficult things to deal with because teenagers never want to listen to their parents. They are old and have no idea what a teenager is going through. But once that teenager grows out of that stage they realize that their parents really do know what they were talking about, kind of. So how do you make sure you are the parent that does the right thing? Parenting is scary. Who wants to have control over another persons life and screw them up?

It’s amazing how different one family is from another. Yesterday I witnessed the boyfriend having a conversation with his parents about his job. His parent’s advice and involvement is so different from what my parents would have said/done in the same situation. Not that their advice was necessarily “better” but just different.

The boyfriend and I have very similar beliefs in life, which is part of the reason we get a long so great. But our parents definitely raised us differently. And it really shows when we are making the same kinds of decisions. For example, when it comes to our career, I was brought up believing that I should get paid for the amount of work I do and the responsibility I have. He believes that when we are young it’s not necessarily about the pay, but getting the most responsibility and the best title while you’re young so that it pays off in the future. But overall, we both want to succeed.

I guess part of the reason I would rather have the pay over the title is because I’ve had to work/pay for the things I’ve wanted. I learned the value of a dollar at a young age. Sure it would have been nice to have things paid for, your school, a car etc… but I did learn a lot from working 13 jobs in 9 years.

So dad, thanks for teaching me how to make my bed!!

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Filed under In My Opinion, My life

Three Things

The boyfriend and I had our first date night in a long time this weekend. It was nice! We were both so exhausted from the week that we decided to take it easy and have a relaxing weekend. While at dinner, the boyfriend asked me “If you could only do three things for the rest of your life, what would you do?” That was a tough one, but the three things I chose were:

1. Reading
If I could read every day for the rest of my life I would be happy. I love to read. unfortunately I haven’t been reading as much lately, but I am determined to get back into it. It took me 4 months to finish Eat, Pray, Love which is an unusual length of time. Normally I would rather read than watch TV, but life has taken over and I don’t seem to have much time for either.

2. Blog/Write
I love blogging. I am so happy I started. But not only do I love blogging, I love writing. I used to write short “poems” all the time. I stopped, but I sure do miss it. I also love reading blogs (this brings me back to number 1). A few of my favs: Cocktails at Tiffany’s, SimplySolo, Pink Giggles, Danielle’s Dish and most recently Inside the Nice Guy (these are just a few of my daily reads). I would blog every day if I had enough to talk about, and if people cared enough to read it.

3. Workout
Yes, workout *gasp* (for those who know me, this might come as a surprise). But this is a new found love of mine. I don’t know what changed, but I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE to work out. I love how I feel after and I regret it when I don’t. If I had more time in the day I would workout more than just a measly one hour. But with work and sleep and other priorities that come up sometimes that’s all the time I have to dedicate to a workout.

Last week I talked about feeling undervalued, and this question the boyfriend asked got me thinking. No where in those three did I mention my job. I’m afraid that I made the wrong career choice. If I can’t love what I do, how can I expect to do it for the next 40 years? And, I’m not even sure I’m good at what I do. Sure I did well in school, but that’s because I was more concerned about the marks I was getting than the actual work I was doing. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t HATE what I do. I enjoy it about 60% of the time.

Well, this got me thinking. Maybe I could incorporate the three things I would do for the rest of my life into my life. Not as a replacement for my job, since I can’t imagine any of those three things paying enough to live, but as an extension. My new goal for 2011 is:

take a fitness instructor course

Yep! I’m going to take the course before the end of the year. Once I take that course, I will then be able to incorporate reading (I will read about fitness instructing and eating healthy), blogging (I will post at least one blog a week on fitness and eating healthy) and I will workout more so I can learn more about it.

Who knows where the course will take me. Ideally I would become a fitness instructor at least once a week in the evenings/weekends and that way I get to do the things I love, plus do my day time job. I think it’s a win-win situation!!

Wish me luck!

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“…Saturday comes afterwards”

I’ve been feeling extremely undervalued lately and this feeling has caused some serious lack in motivation.

Just to clear things up, I’m not talking about my relationship with the boyfriend. I feel extremely valued in that department. But I’m referring to my job. I’ve been finding it extremely difficult to wake up in the morning and drag my tired bum to work. There just seem to be so many things going on where I feel like if I wasn’t here no one would even notice.

My manager left just over a month ago now, and I was really sad because she was an awesome manager, but at the same time a few light bulbs went off and I thought “SCORE! This is THE opportunity that I need to show myself to the company, that I can do more, that I have more potential, and maybe work my way into a promotion”…Well that definitely has not happened yet.

The other thing is that I thought I would be part of the recruitment process. That I would be able to meet some potential managers and that I would have a small say in what I thought about the person… Well that has not happened either. I walk by meeting rooms and see that there are interviews going on, 1st, 2nd and 3rd interviews and I still haven’t met any of the potential candidates. My biggest fear about getting a new manager is, what if we don’t get a long? So this brings me to the idea that it doesn’t matter if I don’t get a long with the new manager, because I’m expendable.

AND… the department has decided to do things a little differently this year and break the work up into 7 tasks. Everyone is assigned to at least 2, but generally 3 or 4 tasks and I’m assigned to 1. And the 1 that I am assigned to doesn’t even involve the VP, where as the other 6 do. Hmmm… Guess they stuck me on the one that no one even cares about anyway.

I’ve been here for just over a year. I understand that you have to prove that you’re capable of doing the work and holding your own, but I thought that with my manager leaving that was my perfect opportunity. Instead, I feel like I have been given even less responsibility.

On another note, it’s Friday!!

Tomorrow is day 2 of bootcamp and I am really looking forward to this for the next 10 weeks! Although, in 2 weeks I have to start training for the half marathon. I’m going to be so fit!!

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Jealousy

Jealousy:

A secondary emotion which refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values. Often consisting of anger, sadness and disgust. Jealousy has been found to occur in infants five months and older.

“Romantic jealousy is here defined as a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival.” (White, 1981, p. 24)[

We have all experienced some form of jealousy at one point or another in our lives. And sometimes jealousy is a major issue in relationships. http://www.askmen.com wrote an article about jealousy and outlined varying degrees of it:

Cute jealousy
Jealousy does not necessarily merit its negative connotation; after all, it’s normal for men to be suspicious of their women (and vice versa). Having reservations about her going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the sight of her drooling over some guy in a magazine are innocent examples of how some jealousy can be harmless, and a perfectly normal reaction.

Healthy jealousy
Likewise, a man who voices his concern over having his girlfriend go out with a bunch of guys or seeing another man flirting with her is also part of a healthy relationship. Oftentimes, a man is just looking out for his girlfriend’s well-being and women usually respect that. They may even be insulted if you don’t say anything.

Obsessive jealousy
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you’ve reached this stage, you obsessively begin questioning her loyalty to you, and that sends you into a rage, maybe even causing you to use physical force.

I believe a little jealousy is good for a relationship because it shows you care and that the other person is not worth losing. But when jealousy is taken to another level, outlined in Obsessive jealousy, that’s when it can be a real problem.

So, what do you do to avoid obsessive jealousy? Well, sometimes it’s unavoidable. There are some men/women who are naturally jealous and will never trust anyone. In that case, it’s probably not the relationship you want to be in. However, there are people who have experienced bad relationships in the past and may need a little encouragement about your intentions with them. My best advice is to talk about the things that make you jealous. Set them all out on the table so that in the future your significant other will avoid the situations that make you jealous (they will if they respect you). In most cases, jealousy stems from one’s own lack of self-confidence, but again, this could have something to do with past relationships. If you really love the person, or if the person really loves you, then it is something that can be worked through.

The hardest part about dealing with jealousy, especially when you’re the one experiencing it, is when there are familiar feelings of jealousy. For example, if you are jealous of a friend of your boyfriend/girlfriend that is of the opposite gender, and those feelings remind you of a time when an ex left you for a “friend” of the opposite gender, then of course you’re going to feel like it is all happening again. The best thing to remember is to live in the present. Hopefully you learned from your past relationship and didn’t make the same mistake. It all boils down to trust, and without it a relationship cannot prosper.

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