“You Make Your Bed, You Lie in it”

My dad’s famous saying. Well that and “Unbelievable”. He usually uses “unbelievable” when he can’t believe someone did something. For example, when my stepmom didn’t empty the dishwasher, but proceeded to put dirty dishes into it when it’s clean/full. Or when my brother goes to put garbage in the already full to the rim garbage bin but swears he “didn’t notice”. If you haven’t noticed the trend, it usually has to do with cleanliness. And that’s where I get my “OCD” on cleanliness from.

But I digress, this post is supposed to be about making your bed and… well I guess it’s not that big of a digression. Anyway….

Ever since I can remember my dad has always told my sister and I that we are responsible for the decisions we make. If we make a bad decision, we have to deal with the consequences. If we make a good decision, well then that’s when he can take the credit for raising us right! Of course he would give us his opinion if we asked, but never really forced his beliefs on us. The one thing my dad did have was the “disappointed look”, the look that was worse than anger. The look you would cry over because “how could I possibly disappoint my dad?”. And it was that look that I saw when I made decisions.

But what happens when a parent completely removes themself from their childs decision-making? What if the parent lets the child make whatever decision they want without warning them of the consequences? Who do these children become? Well, I bet those children become the adults that struggle to get through life. Maybe they end up in jail, or in major financial trouble, because their parents never taught them how to make the “right” decisions.

Sure my dad had the mentality that “you make your bed, you lie in it”, but he still had a way of letting us know if the decisions we were making were the “right” ones (the reason I quote “right” is because who really knows what the right decisions are? Maybe my right decision isn’t your right decision).

I’m sure being a parent to a teenager is one of the most difficult things to deal with because teenagers never want to listen to their parents. They are old and have no idea what a teenager is going through. But once that teenager grows out of that stage they realize that their parents really do know what they were talking about, kind of. So how do you make sure you are the parent that does the right thing? Parenting is scary. Who wants to have control over another persons life and screw them up?

It’s amazing how different one family is from another. Yesterday I witnessed the boyfriend having a conversation with his parents about his job. His parent’s advice and involvement is so different from what my parents would have said/done in the same situation. Not that their advice was necessarily “better” but just different.

The boyfriend and I have very similar beliefs in life, which is part of the reason we get a long so great. But our parents definitely raised us differently. And it really shows when we are making the same kinds of decisions. For example, when it comes to our career, I was brought up believing that I should get paid for the amount of work I do and the responsibility I have. He believes that when we are young it’s not necessarily about the pay, but getting the most responsibility and the best title while you’re young so that it pays off in the future. But overall, we both want to succeed.

I guess part of the reason I would rather have the pay over the title is because I’ve had to work/pay for the things I’ve wanted. I learned the value of a dollar at a young age. Sure it would have been nice to have things paid for, your school, a car etc… but I did learn a lot from working 13 jobs in 9 years.

So dad, thanks for teaching me how to make my bed!!



Filed under In My Opinion, My life

3 responses to ““You Make Your Bed, You Lie in it”

  1. Pingback: “You Make Your Bed, You Lie in it” | MY Lover

  2. There must be something in the air regarding advice we’ve been given by our parents. That’s been a topic I’ve seen floating around the last week or two (I’m guilty of taking part in this).

    I think a lot of it really comes down to, not just, allowing the child to not only make their own decisions but then being there to let them know when it was a good, or bad, decision.

    One of the many things I admire my sister for with the raising of my niece and nephew is how she and my brother-in-law always explain to the kids why they are in trouble, and the same goes for when they make an exceptionally good choice. Whenever I hear my nephew was grounded, or in time out, when I ask, “What did you do?” the first thing out of his mouth is “I made a poor decision.”

    I’m scared to death of being a parent. The responsibility is frightening to the core because I know how this person turns out is largely due to me. But I do know when/if that time should come and I’m teaching him/her about choices in life, it will be a two-fold balance:
    -The different between right or wrong
    -Taking responsibility for your actions/choices

    Sadly, I’ve noticed in society right now a lot of people do not want to be held accountable for their own actions.

    Sorry for the rant. You definitely got me thinking. 🙂

    • That’s really awesome that your nephew says that. I think that’s a sign of good parenting!! It’s a tough job, being a parent. I guess it’s a risk everyone takes because no one knows what kind of parent they will be until they have children of their own.

      Thanks for the rant 🙂

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