Category Archives: Relationship Advice

New Love

New love *sigh* it’s a beautiful thing!

It’s a feeling of complete and utter happiness. You get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about the person. You find yourself wanting to talk about the person all the time and finding little ways to slip their name into a conversation. You drop everything and anything if it meant you could spend even 5 more minutes with that person. You smile more often and day-dream about them.

Sometimes you get so lost in new love that you forget about your friends. A couple of weeks go by and you stop and think “oh my, I haven’t talked to ____ in so long”. But you forget to send them a message. And then a month or two fly by, you’re busy doing everything with your new love. You’ve gone on a small road trip, or have seen a couple of movies. You may have met the family one Sunday afternoon. You still haven’t messaged that friend. But it doesn’t matter because you are so in love.

You made plans months ago to go on vacation with your friend, but how could you possibly spend a week away from your new love. You want to spend every waking moment with this person. So you cancel your plans. You feel a little guilty, but you know that they will get over it. You have never cancelled on plans before so this one time won’t hurt.

Over the next few months you make a point in spending a couple of hours with this friend. Maybe you get your nails done, or you go out for coffee. But it’s nothing like it used to be. You don’t want to spend an entire day/night away from your love so you make as little plans as possible. “But you’re still seeing her” you tell yourself “so it’s ok that I only want to spend a couple of hours with her”.

And then a year goes by. You may have seen this friend enough times to count on one hand. It makes you a little sad, but so much time has passed, how can it ever be the same as it was before?

The new love turns into much more and he proposes *yey* and you think “who am I going to ask to be in my wedding party?” The friends you once thought would be standing next to you sharing your special day are no longer your close friends anymore. You’re stuck with your sister and his sister and hopefully a best friend. What happened to “I have too many friends, how am I ever going to choose who is going to be my bridesmaids?” You lost touch with so many “friends” over the course of your new love.

 —————————————————————————————

My biggest fear: Not having any good girlfriends.

I’m guilty of the above. Over time I’ve lost touch of some dear friends. Some of which are friends I thought would be standing next to me on my big day (not that it’s happening soon or anything). But as my “friends” start to get engaged and get married and I see pictures pop up on Facebook (the devil) it makes me think about my own situation.

I had to use this picture, it was just too cute

And as new relationship bloom around me and these trends begin to happen, I fear losing these friends.

My biggest fear is turning 30 and not having a single girlfriend to celebrate with me. Or getting married and (as much as I love my sister to death) only having my sister standing next to me.

As we get older our priorities change. My priorities stand with my career and my future family. My boyfriend is my number one priority. But that shouldn’t mean that my best friend(s) come last. They still hold a special place in my heart, but how do I stop myself from forgetting about them completely? And, as we get older our priorities vary from person to person. Just because I want to focus on my career and my future doesn’t mean my friends have the same ideas.

Its reasons like these that I feel “girl time” is so important – even if it happens only once a year.

New loves can consume you. But everyone forgives the blindness a new love causes. You just have to make sure that it doesn’t last forever. You usually gain your sight back after a year or so.

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Dreams: It’s what we’re made of

This morning I heard that Statistics Canada is no longer tracking divorce rates. Hmmm… one reason they said is because it will save them money. But the question here is why the hell does it cost so much to track these stats? Are there really THAT many people getting divorced? Another reason they said is because more and more people are living together for a long period of time without tying the knot.

What kind of hope does this provide all of us hopeless romantics who envision our lives as one big love story straight out of the movies?

I’ve imagined that I will meet the man of my dream (*ahem prince charming of course*) and we would fall madly in love. The kind of love that NEVER fades. The kind of love that people are jealous of. And the kind of love where you never disagree on anything (as if that exists). I imagined that he would propose to me in the most magical way possible.  Maybe by spelling it out in roses on a large open field surrounded by willow trees, or maybe flying me to Paris and proposing at the bottom of the Eifel Tower (although, I’ve heard that it’s not as romantic there as I thought. There are a lot of tourists, apparently). We would have the most romantic wedding and not a single person would have a dry eye in the house. Our parents would buy us our first home (HAHAHA!!!!!) and we would go on the honeymoon of any newlyweds dream (I’m still deciding whre that would be). We would move into our beautiful home with a white picket fence and a wraparound porch. We would have three children, two boys and a girl, and I would be a stay at home mom and… So apparently I’ve imagined my entire life to be a Hollywood love story.

But tell me, what’s wrong with dreaming?

Well, that’s exactly it, they are dreams. The reality is that there are people who get married and are madly in love and stay together for 60 years. And then there are people who get married too quickly, believing they are in love, and a couple of years later it doesn’t work out. And there are people who get to know each other, fall in love, and get married but fifteen years later divorce. But the overall trend here is that people give up on their dreams.

The boyfriend’s parents have been married for 26 years. And the boyfriend’s grandparents have been married for over 60. And my parents, well they divorced when I was 8.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I talked about what the difference is between a couple that stays together for 26 years versus one that doesn’t. I asked him “have your parents ever had a rough time in their marriage? And if so, how did they handle it?” He really didn’t know the answer. Part of not knowing is because he’s a guy and most guys wouldn’t ask their parents something like that. The other reason he didn’t know the answer is because he really never saw too much “unhappiness” coming from his parent’s relationship.

But what he has noticed is how supportive they are of each other. He’s noticed that no matter how wrong one of them may be, the other one supports them 100%. His mother will wake up super early on a Saturday morning to go for a long run with his father because that’s what his father loves to do. His father will stand by his mother’s side when she makes decisions/comments about her children’s lives, even if she is wrong. This may be the biggest challenge I will have in my relationships. Thanks to my stubbornness I may have some hurdles to overcome when it comes to 100% supporting my spouse.

Another thing the boyfriend and I talked about was giving up. This brings me back to letting go of your dreams. We all (well most of us) fight for what we believe in. I fight for finding the job of my dreams. I’ll keep fighting until I do. So why can’t we fight for the relationship of our dreams? We fell in love with our spouse for a reason, and when you made those vows at the altar, they weren’t just empty words. At that moment, you were living your dream. So when things get rough, what do most people do? They give up, because divorce is so easy these days. But if we all fought for our dreams, then we could work at keeping the relationship alive.

I’ve never been married, but from what I can tell, marriage is not easy. It takes some self sacrificing, some hard work and a ton of team effort. Just like buying your dream home, or going on your dream vacation, everything requires a little bit of work and a little bit of time (and usually a lot of money).

Fight for your dreams. We have them for a reason!

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Love Is A Battlefield

Sometimes I think I have it all figured out. And other times I realize I’m only 25 and there is no way I have anything figured out.

This past weekend was hard. It was a great weekend over all, but it was the point in our relationship that made me see things a little more clearly. Sure, I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I’m confident enough to say that I’m close.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I hit a couple of road bumps. None of which caused any permanent damage, maybe just a few scratches that were easily repaired. But these bumps made me realize that I have a great man in my life. I’ve always known he was a great guy (probably the best guy I’ve ever dated), but I never truly realized how perfect he was for me.

I’m extremely stubborn and when I think I’m right, I’m right! But these thoughts don’t really get me anywhere. In past relationships I would never have budged. I would have stuck to my guns no matter what! But I’ve come to realize that sometimes I’m not right (*gasp* I know, it’s crazy right?!) Sometimes my reactions are uncalled for and sometimes I need to apologize (this is something I was not very good at, and I’m still working on it). But I’ve realized that the boyfriend is worth these changes.

I’ve never had anyone who was this good to me. Sometimes I don’t believe that I have someone this great. I resort back to my old ways of thinking and pull myself into a hole where I can hide my feelings. I sometimes forget that he treats me with all the respect in the world and assume that this mistakes he makes are in spite of me.

I do not blame anyone but myself. I allowed myself to be in the relationships I was in for as long as I was. I allowed these guys to treat me the way they did, and I made myself believe that it was love. But sometimes it’s easier to blame others. Sometimes it’s easier to turn your back on the ones that really care and face those who treat you badly. And sometimes, but only sometimes, you get a glimpse of what could be and are terrified that good things just can’t happen to you. But no one is holding you down other than yourself.

This past weekend made me realize that I’m my own problem. I have to stop resorting to my old way of thinking (blaming others for my own problems, feeling sorry for myself and being so negative). It’s time I realize what I have, and what I have is more than I could have ever asked for.

I’m so in love with my boyfriend. We are coming up on a year, and although I’m sure I’ve said this before, this has been the best year of my entire life (so far). I still get flutters in my chest when I think about him and I hope they never die out.

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We Missed A Step

Monday’s are getting old. Especially the “it’s Monday… again!” posts.

I wish I had juicy stories to tell all you wonderful readers about. Maybe a fight the boyfriend and I had or a brand new relationship dilemma. But unfortunately I can’t fulfill those expectations.

Don’t get me wrong, the boyfriend and I argue. We aren’t perfect. But they are never exciting arguments, just petty little disagreements about whose father we will spend father’s day with, or what I want for dinner versus what he wants. Normal, simple, everyday relationship disagreements.

I’m also not saying that we handle every little argument with great ease and are all lovey dovey 5 minutes later. Sometimes the little arguments get blown out of proportion and we end up having an actual fight about it. But, we are both working on ways to handle things differently. I don’t like to talk about my feelings, or about the fight we just had. I would much rather cool off, wait a little bit and then resolve whatever caused the disagreement. Whereas the boyfriend likes to talk it out right away. So, we are working on a way that we can have a happy middle. We haven’t perfected it yet, but we’re trying.

We tend to get into little tiffs while we are working out. I’m so used to my ex being super competitive with me, that even while we were working out he always had to one up me, or be slightly ahead of me while running. I haven’t been able to get over that. So when the boyfriend and I work out that’s always going through my head. When he is one step ahead of me while running, I will try to catch up so we are running together and then he speeds up, so I get discouraged and think he is just trying to compete with me. He’s told me numerous times that he isn’t trying to compete, but I have to work on not jumping to that conclusion when he ends up ahead of me.

Friday night the boyfriend and I had a long-awaited date. We haven’t gone out on very many official dates. I think in the period of our relationship we’ve been out on four official dates now. What’s an official date? Well, a nice restaurant, nice clothes, a bottle of wine etc…

Our first date was back in August. I guess you could say we went out on a few dates prior to August, but then that would make me a cheater (since I was in another relationship up until the end of July).  But for our first real date, he picked me up all decked out in nice clothes with flowers in hand. It was such a nice evening. The second date was my birthday. Not as fancy, no flowers (although he did give me a birthday present the day before) but was a nice evening over all. The third date was Valentine ’s Day. This one would be comparable to my birthday. Beautiful gift (a Tiffany’s necklace) and a pretty good meal. And the fourth just happened on Friday night.

I took him out this time. I made reservations on a nice restaurant; we got dressed up and had a wonderful meal. But since we “live together” now dates just don’t feel the same. He doesn’t get me flowers; there is no pick up/drop off at the front door. I feel like we’ve missed out on an important part of the dating experience.  Is it wrong of me to want these things? I’m not a material girl, but flowers every once in a while would be a nice little surprise, or a planned date night.

We go out for dinner a lot, but it’s usually in a group setting. If it’s just us we usually end up at Subway, and that’s not very romantic. I get that we are trying to save money, but I’m sure there are tons of other options rather than spending too much money on a date.

And this is where I need your help. I would love to hear about your romantic/fun dates that didn’t cost a lot.

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Boys and Their Breakups!

A new person joined my company back in January. He started on the same day as a previous colleague of mine who I referred to this company. When more than one person starts on the same day, they usually do all their orientation together for the first week. If things work out, you’re almost guaranteed a friend out of it. So in this case, I was already friends with the girl I referred the job to, and she became friends with this guy, so now there are four of us (two guys, two girls) who eat lunch together almost every day.

During lunch, we usually get into some pretty interesting conversations, but somehow our topics lead back to the new guy and his ex girlfriend. TNG (the new guy) was dating this girl for 3 ½ years, and he said that he was ready to propose. However, they broke up before the New Year (I’m not exactly sure when, but it was before he started in January). He never gives a reason as to why they broke up, other than she was immature and he couldn’t deal with it anymore. But to this day he still comes off as extremely bitter about it.

TNG’s ex girlfriend is currently dating someone else, which could be the reason he is bitter. She moved on, and if the story is true that he broke up with her than she moved on REALLY fast. So some bitterness is understandable. However, she still texts TNG. She sends him messages about how her current bf is “alright” but she just isn’t that happy, suggesting that she was happier with TNG. What I find really interesting is he talks about how bitter/angry he is with the break up, how immature she is and that he couldn’t deal with it, but he considers getting back together with her.

We’ve all asked him what it was about her that made her immature. His response was that she doesn’t like to cook… well that’s a little sexist if you ask me. But, he comes from a family that does that stuff for him already. He also said that she smokes too much. Ok, well I really don’t think that smoking too much and not cooking is a sign of immaturity. That’s who she is, and buddy, she isn’t going to change. But then I have to remind myself, TNG is also young. He’s not much younger than me, only about 2 years. But HE is young.

What I find really interesting about this entire scenario is that just over a year ago, sitting in the same lunch room, with a different group of people, sat myself and my current boyfriend. And where did our conversations end up then? How bitter he was about his “current” breakup. It was a very similar situation. It was a mutual break up months before I started working at the company; she was dating someone new and was still calling/texting him. It really got to him, just like it gets to TNG. This is exactly what she wants, attention. The fact that our lunch conversations end up back at these girls means they win. And I told TNG the same thing I told the boyfriend: don’t give her the attention she is obviously seeking. Ignore her, because once you ignore her and move on, she no longer wins.

However, I do think that if you want to “win” after a breakup (if winning is really important), you need to move on and genuinely be happy. If your ex wants to rub in your face how successful they are or how great their current relationship is, then be happy for them. Because the best revenge is no revenge at all.

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The Morning Show Blew My Mind!

The craziest thing happened on my drive into work Friday morning.

If you live in Toronto, and listen to the 99.9 Virgin Radio Morning show then you may have an idea what I’m talking about.

I used to be an avid Z103.5 morning show listener until they decided to change their morning show hosts after 10+ years, and now I can’t stand it. So I’ve reverted back to my middle school morning show, the MadDog and Billie show. They are great! Since I’ve started listening again, I forgot why I ever stopped.

Anyway, I’m sure most radio stations are aware of changes happening to their competition. Since Z103.5 changed their morning show hosts, I’ve noticed some hostility towards the station. There are two other competitors in the same target audience for morning show listeners, 99.9 Virgin Radio and Kiss 92.5. So how does a radio station grab the attention of their potential listeners?

Well, 99.9 Virgin radio pulled a Jerry Springer! Well done Virgin Radio, well done!!

Now, I’m sure you are all wondering what they could have possibly done to have me sitting in shock, stuck in traffic on a Friday morning with my jaw on my lap. Since this blog is about life and relationships, I wouldn’t write about it if it didn’t involve that. And Jerry Springer wouldn’t be the train wreck it is without people like this.

A girl, named Jackie, emailed into the radio station suspecting that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her. The hosts decided to call her to get a little more info. The reason she suspected her boyfriend was cheating was because:
1. He recently put a password lock on his phone (probably the number one sign someone is cheating. If they didn’t already have one on there and suddenly decided they should, CHEATER!!)
2. He would bring is phone into the bathroom with him, all the time. (This is because he doesn’t want it lying around for her to have a chance to go through it)
3. He has recently become standoffish, not as lovey (this is usually a sure sign of a cheater)

There were other factors, but I can’t remember. Anyway, the hosts decided to see if they could help her out. So what did they decide to do? Well, Billie (the female host) decided to call the boyfriend, Rick, and pose as a customer service representative from his phone company. They dialed his number, he answered and she proceeded to tell him that his phone company was doing a special promotion for the month of May where they were thanking their loyal customers by sending roses to a person of their choice. So all he needed to do was give her the name of the person he would like to send flowers to, their address and a personal message. He was surprised, but appreciative of the gesture. He thought for a second and said “Send them to Laura” (please note that his girlfriend who called in was named Jackie, who was still on the line listening, as was all of the GTA). Billie, without giving herself away, asks what he would like to say in the personal message. “Umm… it has been nice getting to know you, and I look forward to the weekend. Xoxo Rick”. At this point, MadDog jumps in and introduces himself as himself and the host of 99.9 morning show. Then he asks if Jackie has anything to say. At this point, Rick is flabbergasted, he doesn’t know what to say, he is stuttering, but he pulls the most ridiculous story out of his ass.

Rick: “Jackie, what did you do?”

Jackie: “Who’s Laura?”

Rick: “She is ummm…uhhh… a co-worker. We just got to know each other umm… uhhh… I’m trying to build work relationships and maintain them….”

Jackie: “You don’t send roses to a co-worker!!”

Rick: “Well it’s just to maintain our working relationship”

MadDog and Billie: “What about this weekend? Are you seeing her?”

Rick: “I have a work conference this weekend, so yeah, she will be there… but that’s it. Jackie, come with me this weekend you will see”

Jackie: “I’m not coming with you! Do you think I’m stupid?”

Rick: “I’m not doing this on the f**king radio…..”

And the line goes dead.

WOW! WOW! WOW! I didn’t know if I should laugh, applaud, or be offended that the radio station would do such a thing (yet, it was too brilliant to be offended). Of course the radio station received multiple phone calls from their listeners expressing their response to what just happened.

This got me thinking, not only about how amazing of a stunt this was and how they probably secured a ton of new listeners who abandoned their old radio station and were debating between the other two. But, it got my relationship mind juices flowing.

I’ve discussed cheating in previous posts, but this got me thinking about gut instincts. We all have them, whether it’s within a relationship or just meeting someone for the first time. Jackie had gut feelings that her boyfriend was cheating on her, and look how that turned out.

I’m not saying that every gut instinct you feel is correct, but you have to think about why you got those feelings. Something about that person struck a chord with you, and in most cases your initial feelings are right.

I dated a couple of guys were I had that gut retching feeling that they were cheating. It’s like someone grabbed a hold of your insides and was twisting them. And in both cases I was right. I figured one out by checking his cell phone and the other by connecting the obvious dots.

But do you go on a radio station and have them air your dirty laundry in front of hundreds/thousands of listeners? Why the hell not? The great thing about radio is no one can see your face, they don’t announce your last name, and your voice usually sounds quite a bit different on the radio.

Congrats Virgin Radio, you’ve won this listener over!

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Too Much Too Soon?

Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the wonderful mothers out there!! Especially my mom, because she’s the best mom ever!!! (at least to me she is :))

Anywho, let’s get down to business. I started this blog to talk about my relationship experiences, and it’s about time I talk about it!

I have this best friend who is dealing with something most of us are familiar with, newly single and dating. And since I am not single, nor dating, I must live my blog vicariously through her (and other single friends). I love hearing her stories about the single life and all it has to offer… or not offer in some cases.

She entered into singlehood back in December. A decision, I believe, was the best decision for her. She moved home after being away for a couple of years, a transition I am somewhat familiar with and understand the struggles of it. But not only was her life changing romantically, but her career path was also taking on a new life. She is now able to focus her time on what she wants to do, rather than working any old job just to pay the rent.

Since she has been home, she’s been out on a couple of dates. But is well aware of the fact that she needs to wait until she is ready before jumping into another relationship. For some it can take only a couple of months before they are ready, and for others, well they just never get over their ex. But she’s out there, testing the waters and see what else this crazy world of dating has to offer.

Recently, she met a boy. I don’t know too much about the logistics of their meeting and how it went from meeting to a first date, but that’s besides the point. What matters is what happens after the first date.

I was reading a post by Matthew about eagerness after a date. I’ve experienced the “way too soon” phone call/text that totally creeped me out and I went running from a second date. But what happens if the timing is just right, but the date suggestion is a little too much too soon? Let me clarify, what if he asks you to a work event where you would meet his coworkers on your second date? Is that too much too soon? I’d vote YES! But is it enough to creep you that you no longer want to see this guy? Probably not. If that were me, I would probably say “No thanks” and move on. I wouldn’t give him a second chance. Not because it’s weird, but because it seems a little desperate.

“But what if he’s really nice?” before my ex, the being nice card wouldn’t fly with me. That wouldn’t be enough to give him another chance after asking me to a work function on the second date. However, I think if I were single now I would. So what did she do? She gave him a second chance! And you know what, she likes him and he makes her happy. Kudos to her.

I don’t know where she stands with him, are they “dating” or are they “just friends”, will it go somewhere? I don’t think she even knows yet, but that’s the joy of the single life, the unknown.

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