Tag Archives: Breakup

Dreams: It’s what we’re made of

This morning I heard that Statistics Canada is no longer tracking divorce rates. Hmmm… one reason they said is because it will save them money. But the question here is why the hell does it cost so much to track these stats? Are there really THAT many people getting divorced? Another reason they said is because more and more people are living together for a long period of time without tying the knot.

What kind of hope does this provide all of us hopeless romantics who envision our lives as one big love story straight out of the movies?

I’ve imagined that I will meet the man of my dream (*ahem prince charming of course*) and we would fall madly in love. The kind of love that NEVER fades. The kind of love that people are jealous of. And the kind of love where you never disagree on anything (as if that exists). I imagined that he would propose to me in the most magical way possible.  Maybe by spelling it out in roses on a large open field surrounded by willow trees, or maybe flying me to Paris and proposing at the bottom of the Eifel Tower (although, I’ve heard that it’s not as romantic there as I thought. There are a lot of tourists, apparently). We would have the most romantic wedding and not a single person would have a dry eye in the house. Our parents would buy us our first home (HAHAHA!!!!!) and we would go on the honeymoon of any newlyweds dream (I’m still deciding whre that would be). We would move into our beautiful home with a white picket fence and a wraparound porch. We would have three children, two boys and a girl, and I would be a stay at home mom and… So apparently I’ve imagined my entire life to be a Hollywood love story.

But tell me, what’s wrong with dreaming?

Well, that’s exactly it, they are dreams. The reality is that there are people who get married and are madly in love and stay together for 60 years. And then there are people who get married too quickly, believing they are in love, and a couple of years later it doesn’t work out. And there are people who get to know each other, fall in love, and get married but fifteen years later divorce. But the overall trend here is that people give up on their dreams.

The boyfriend’s parents have been married for 26 years. And the boyfriend’s grandparents have been married for over 60. And my parents, well they divorced when I was 8.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I talked about what the difference is between a couple that stays together for 26 years versus one that doesn’t. I asked him “have your parents ever had a rough time in their marriage? And if so, how did they handle it?” He really didn’t know the answer. Part of not knowing is because he’s a guy and most guys wouldn’t ask their parents something like that. The other reason he didn’t know the answer is because he really never saw too much “unhappiness” coming from his parent’s relationship.

But what he has noticed is how supportive they are of each other. He’s noticed that no matter how wrong one of them may be, the other one supports them 100%. His mother will wake up super early on a Saturday morning to go for a long run with his father because that’s what his father loves to do. His father will stand by his mother’s side when she makes decisions/comments about her children’s lives, even if she is wrong. This may be the biggest challenge I will have in my relationships. Thanks to my stubbornness I may have some hurdles to overcome when it comes to 100% supporting my spouse.

Another thing the boyfriend and I talked about was giving up. This brings me back to letting go of your dreams. We all (well most of us) fight for what we believe in. I fight for finding the job of my dreams. I’ll keep fighting until I do. So why can’t we fight for the relationship of our dreams? We fell in love with our spouse for a reason, and when you made those vows at the altar, they weren’t just empty words. At that moment, you were living your dream. So when things get rough, what do most people do? They give up, because divorce is so easy these days. But if we all fought for our dreams, then we could work at keeping the relationship alive.

I’ve never been married, but from what I can tell, marriage is not easy. It takes some self sacrificing, some hard work and a ton of team effort. Just like buying your dream home, or going on your dream vacation, everything requires a little bit of work and a little bit of time (and usually a lot of money).

Fight for your dreams. We have them for a reason!

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Boys and Their Breakups!

A new person joined my company back in January. He started on the same day as a previous colleague of mine who I referred to this company. When more than one person starts on the same day, they usually do all their orientation together for the first week. If things work out, you’re almost guaranteed a friend out of it. So in this case, I was already friends with the girl I referred the job to, and she became friends with this guy, so now there are four of us (two guys, two girls) who eat lunch together almost every day.

During lunch, we usually get into some pretty interesting conversations, but somehow our topics lead back to the new guy and his ex girlfriend. TNG (the new guy) was dating this girl for 3 ½ years, and he said that he was ready to propose. However, they broke up before the New Year (I’m not exactly sure when, but it was before he started in January). He never gives a reason as to why they broke up, other than she was immature and he couldn’t deal with it anymore. But to this day he still comes off as extremely bitter about it.

TNG’s ex girlfriend is currently dating someone else, which could be the reason he is bitter. She moved on, and if the story is true that he broke up with her than she moved on REALLY fast. So some bitterness is understandable. However, she still texts TNG. She sends him messages about how her current bf is “alright” but she just isn’t that happy, suggesting that she was happier with TNG. What I find really interesting is he talks about how bitter/angry he is with the break up, how immature she is and that he couldn’t deal with it, but he considers getting back together with her.

We’ve all asked him what it was about her that made her immature. His response was that she doesn’t like to cook… well that’s a little sexist if you ask me. But, he comes from a family that does that stuff for him already. He also said that she smokes too much. Ok, well I really don’t think that smoking too much and not cooking is a sign of immaturity. That’s who she is, and buddy, she isn’t going to change. But then I have to remind myself, TNG is also young. He’s not much younger than me, only about 2 years. But HE is young.

What I find really interesting about this entire scenario is that just over a year ago, sitting in the same lunch room, with a different group of people, sat myself and my current boyfriend. And where did our conversations end up then? How bitter he was about his “current” breakup. It was a very similar situation. It was a mutual break up months before I started working at the company; she was dating someone new and was still calling/texting him. It really got to him, just like it gets to TNG. This is exactly what she wants, attention. The fact that our lunch conversations end up back at these girls means they win. And I told TNG the same thing I told the boyfriend: don’t give her the attention she is obviously seeking. Ignore her, because once you ignore her and move on, she no longer wins.

However, I do think that if you want to “win” after a breakup (if winning is really important), you need to move on and genuinely be happy. If your ex wants to rub in your face how successful they are or how great their current relationship is, then be happy for them. Because the best revenge is no revenge at all.

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Too Much Too Soon?

Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the wonderful mothers out there!! Especially my mom, because she’s the best mom ever!!! (at least to me she is :))

Anywho, let’s get down to business. I started this blog to talk about my relationship experiences, and it’s about time I talk about it!

I have this best friend who is dealing with something most of us are familiar with, newly single and dating. And since I am not single, nor dating, I must live my blog vicariously through her (and other single friends). I love hearing her stories about the single life and all it has to offer… or not offer in some cases.

She entered into singlehood back in December. A decision, I believe, was the best decision for her. She moved home after being away for a couple of years, a transition I am somewhat familiar with and understand the struggles of it. But not only was her life changing romantically, but her career path was also taking on a new life. She is now able to focus her time on what she wants to do, rather than working any old job just to pay the rent.

Since she has been home, she’s been out on a couple of dates. But is well aware of the fact that she needs to wait until she is ready before jumping into another relationship. For some it can take only a couple of months before they are ready, and for others, well they just never get over their ex. But she’s out there, testing the waters and see what else this crazy world of dating has to offer.

Recently, she met a boy. I don’t know too much about the logistics of their meeting and how it went from meeting to a first date, but that’s besides the point. What matters is what happens after the first date.

I was reading a post by Matthew about eagerness after a date. I’ve experienced the “way too soon” phone call/text that totally creeped me out and I went running from a second date. But what happens if the timing is just right, but the date suggestion is a little too much too soon? Let me clarify, what if he asks you to a work event where you would meet his coworkers on your second date? Is that too much too soon? I’d vote YES! But is it enough to creep you that you no longer want to see this guy? Probably not. If that were me, I would probably say “No thanks” and move on. I wouldn’t give him a second chance. Not because it’s weird, but because it seems a little desperate.

“But what if he’s really nice?” before my ex, the being nice card wouldn’t fly with me. That wouldn’t be enough to give him another chance after asking me to a work function on the second date. However, I think if I were single now I would. So what did she do? She gave him a second chance! And you know what, she likes him and he makes her happy. Kudos to her.

I don’t know where she stands with him, are they “dating” or are they “just friends”, will it go somewhere? I don’t think she even knows yet, but that’s the joy of the single life, the unknown.

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It’s Monday… Again

Happy Monday!!

If I was a morning person I could get so much more accomplished. I would wake up really early, workout, get ready and eat breakfast. But I’m not, so I don’t.

The boyfriend and I have been going to the bootcamp for 2 weeks now and we have to keep track of everything we eat. One of the first things they told us we were doing wrong was eating a shitty breakfast. We were having instant oatmeal or a Tim Horton’s bagel. Apparently that’s really bad!! So we’ve cut out the instant oatmeal and the delicious bagels. Instead we’ve been eating Ezekiel bread (which is supposed to be really good for you, no preservatives etc..) and a protein shake.  I have noticed a huge difference, I’m not hungry at 10am anymore and I can totally wait until lunch to eat. And then I am not hungry in the afternoon and I can wait until dinner to eat.

I am really serious about this bootcamp thing. I want to follow the rules so I can see a difference, otherwise I wasted money on the damn thing. We are only allowed 2 cheats a week, we have to drink a ton of water and we can’t eat white carbs, “If it’s white, it ain’t right!”. I think I’ve done a good job!!

The one thing I am not doing a good job on is not drinking. It’s not like I drink a lot anymore, but I told myself I would try not to drink at all and have soda water instead. Sometimes it works and others, well I end up having one or two (which isn’t so bad, but do you know how many calories are in ONE beer?? and I love beer!!!!).  But you can’t deprive yourself of everything, otherwise what’s the point?

So, there is something I have kept from all of you. I am moving, again! Not that that’s a big deal, but I’m moving back home… Why? well I need to save money. If you have a choice to live at home or to live on your own, live at home! It’s cheaper and you can save to buy your own place one day. I started to big move yesterday. I’ll miss living on my own, and in the city (since I’m moving out of the city), but I know that in the end this is for the best.

The crazy part of it all is that if I didn’t move out of my parents house a year ago I probably would not have started dating the boyfriend as soon as I did, or even at all. Who knows. But I know that being out of my parents house had a huge factor in it all. So I look back on this experience fondly. And the apartment I live in is where the relationship began. He helped me move into the apartment even before we were dating. However, as with everything in life, this is just the next chapter and I look forward to the change!

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Quantity vs. Quality

I think my problem is my constant need for quantity over quality, especially when it comes to friendships.

It’s been the last few months where I’ve started to realize the importance of having quality friends over quantity. I have a few very dear friends that I try to spend time with whenever I have a chance. And I have a handful of friends that I don’t have to see all the time, but when we do hang out it’s like nothing has changed. And then I have “friends” who I have thought were my friends, but over time have proved me wrong. I’ve given these friends multiple chances, but no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, we will never be friends. And then I have my work friends who I eat lunch with and maybe every couple months we go out for a drink.

The hardest part is letting go of the ones that just don’t care. You have memories with them that only bring back smiles, but sometimes those memories are meant to be just memories and nothing more. It’s like a break up. You have to move on, otherwise those feelings will never go away. Do you delete these friends from facebook, like you would an ex? Because it hurts just as much to see pictures of them together when you are no longer invovled. Do you remove them from your phone? Because it’s not like you ever talk to them anymore. Do you block them from BBM? Because their statues remind you that you are no longer part of that group. Or do you suck it up and ignore it?

I love the close friends I have, and I’ve come to realize that it’s those friendships that really matter.

It’s strange, but finding good friends is like finding the right guy. You go through some bad ones to find the good ones and sometimes you end up with the friends that were there from the beginning.

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Just Friends

Photo courtesy of Celebritypuke.com

Today I wrote a guest post on my blogger friends’ site SimplySolo. Catherine is an inspiration to a lot of women who have been through failed relationships. If you have a chance, you should definitely take a look at her blog.

My post touches on whether having initial feelings for someone right away should be the deciding factor on going forward with a relationship.

I won’t rewrite the post, you can read it on SimplySolo by clicking here.

But, the post does remind me of the movie Just Friends. I just can’t remember if they end up together in the end…

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In My Opinion: Couples Vacations

I’ve completed the cleanse, thank god. Although we didn’t make it past Friday. It’s hard to limit what you eat on weekends. It’s not like I pigged out or anything, but I didn’t want to eat just soup all weekend. So rather than finishing the cleanse, I just ate really healthy. I even had a full vegan meal yesterday (not that all vegan food is healthy, but mine was).

Anywho, I’ve decided to do something a little different. Since I have been slacking on the relationship stories/advice/bull, I’ve decided to add a feature called “In my opinion”. The first one I decided to talk about is couples vacations.

A lot of people I know have gone on vacations with their significant other. Some of them go on annual vacations. I, on the other hand, have never been on a vacation (i.e. hopping on a plane and landing somewhere where you can relax, sight see, lay on a beach, speak another language etc…) with a signification other. Why, you ask? Well, my most recent ex never had money so a vacation was out of the question, unless I paid for both of us. And any other guy I dated in the past never lasted long enough to make it to the “couples vacation” stage in our relationship. The one and only time I’ve been to an all-inclusive, at that point in my life, I was completely happy going with a bunch of girls rather than spending the week with a guy I was casually dating and not being able to do all the fun things I did while I was there. Plus, when you travel with someone you find out more about them then you ever thought you would.

I think couples vacations are a good way to get to know someone if you don’t already live together or spend every day together. However, I don’t think going away on a week-long vacation once a year means you know each other well. You can be so different when you’re on vacation. Take The Bachelor for example. Of course they are falling in love, every week they are traveling to an exotic location, doing things like repelling down a waterfall, boat cruises, helicopter rides, dinners on a tiny secluded island. How could they not fall in love?!?! So even though it’s nice to go away with your signficant other, personally I think that couples vacations should wait until you really know the person and are already in love with them. I’m glad I’ve waited to go on vacation with a boyfriend because when I do it will mean that much more.

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