Tag Archives: change

Chapter 1: My first real job – comes to an end

I bought a car this weekend!!

That's my baby

I’m so excited. It’s my very first BRAND NEW car. I’ve had a car before, but it was old and didn’t have that new car smell. It took two full days out of my four-day weekend, but I got it done and I will have a car for my first day at my new job.

New car, new job, new beginnings.

I got really sad today. The boyfriend sent me a meeting invite for my last day at work lunch. It made me sad because it’s the end of this chapter in my life. A chapter I am very happy to be closing, but one that I will never forget. It was here (at the office) where I met the boyfriend, where we became friends and eventually a little more. It was here where I realized that I was not happy in my previous relationship and that I had a true friend who lent me his shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. It was here, one day after work while we were sitting in a park, where he told me he loved me.

I never expected when I started here that I would meet the love of my life. But since it happened, I never pictured our life apart. My moving on to another job does not mean our life is any less together; we just don’t get to share our lunch bags anymore, or go on our coffee breaks together. And no matter how much I will miss seeing his face all day long; this change will be good for us.

I’m looking forward to being excited to see him at the end of the day. I can’t wait to have so much to talk about because we didn’t get to talk about it at lunch or on our break. It will also be nice to be 100% open about our relationship. Not that it isn’t obvious, but I’ve felt uncomfortable discussing it at work. I’m excited that we will have two Christmas parties to attend. It’s almost like to have to convince myself that I’m excited to be away from the boyfriend when we all know that it’s impossible to get excited about something like that.

It will be a big change. I will be sad and I’m sure he will be sad.

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It’s Only the Beginning

I think I’ve reached my boiling point and it’s time for a change.

Part of the reason I have been hesitant to start looking for a new path in my career is because I feel bad for leaving a company that has provided me with some really great experiences. If it wasn’t for this place, I wouldn’t have started my path in the right direction as early as I did. I really lucked out with this job.

I was fresh out of school, no job and no connections. I began my search for a full-time position online but saw no response. I had multiple interviews, but I had nothing, other than my education, to back me up. One of my friends had experienced the same problem and decided to go through a temp agency. I was hesitant because I heard only horror stories of temp agencies, but she assured me that it’s nothing like the stories I’ve heard. I tried it out and within a week I had interviews lined up.

Since I’m part of the generation that believes I don’t need to start at the bottom and work my way up, I can get a manager position right out of school, I was turning down some great opportunities with high-profile companies because I didn’t feel like the position was up to my standards. I had a reality check when I realized I was running out of the little money I had saved, a car I needed to pay for and my student loans creeping up on me. I took the next job after that. Which landed me here.

It was actually a pretty bad job. I started as a telemarketer. I did it for four months in order to pay for all my new bills (while looking for something in my field of study), until a position in another department opened up and I knew this was my opportunity. I got the job after a month of training, interviewing and proving I could do it without any experience. I was extremely thankful and worked my butt off to prove they made the right decision.

Jump ahead about a year when my manager leaves. Some background on the company, your only chance for a promotion is if someone leaves. I knew that my being here for only a year wasn’t long enough to grant a promotion, but I hoped that it meant some kind of growth opportunity for me. I had many talks with the senior management about my progression and that I would love to take on more responsibility. Initially, he was excited. I stepped up and took over the position for two months while they searched for a replacement. I was promised so many great things… that was until my new manager started.

Every promise that was made has slowly been revoked. I’ve lost more responsibility than I had even before my old manager was here. Although, I seem to be busier than ever. This could have something to do with the fact that the new manager doesn’t really know what she is doing and I not only have to do my own day-to-day work, but hers as well, without getting any credit for it. Every day I am presented with more and more frustration and I make a point to handle it all with a smile on my face. But this is all causing some serious stress when I get home. From 9-5 no one would ever know something was bother me (other than my friends who I talk to about it), but when I leave here I feel like a ton of bricks just fall on my head and shoulders and I want to crawl in a hole forever.

I would also feel terrible for leaving because so many people have left in the last year. I can see what kind of stress this is causing senior management. I don’t want to be part of that stress.

But another reason I get nervous when I think about looking for another job: my boyfriend works with me. We met here, we started our relationship here and I have no idea what I would do without him. We drive into work together, eat lunch together, and play on the work softball team together… I just can’t imagine being at work and knowing that he isn’t close by. I know that the day will come when we no longer work together and I believe that it would be a good thing for the relationship, but it’s scary taking that first step away from it all. It’s what I imagine a mother would feel like when her child starts daycare after spending every day together on her maternity leave.  

It would be a major change, but I think it would be worth it. I’m not as happy as I could be, and in turn I feel I am not giving my relationships (with the boyfriend, friends and family) all I can give.

But where do I start?

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Filed under My life