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Sex and the City?!?! The Friendship Edition

I’m really tired of trying hard to be friends with everyone. There was a day when I had so many groups of friends, there was never a night where I didn’t have something to do. I always imagined that my late twenties would be exactly like Sex and the City, except I didn’t want to date a lot of guys, I just wanted a group of girlfriends like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love having a night off, or two. But there are some things that I need to prioritize in my life and one of those things is friendships.

I realize the importance of having friends. And I feel like I can make friends fairly quickly, but recently I’ve been so tied up with moving into my new place (which involved moving away from everyone and everything I know, since it’s on the opposite side of the city), and a new job that takes up a lot of my time.

I’ve also picked up some hobbies, hobbies that take up a lot of my time. When I’m not at work, I’m so busy doing everything else that I rarely have time to even send a text message.

I know this is no excuse, but when you start to grow up and have other things to do, you don’t have the time you once had to spend every moment with friends.

Today I was reminded of the two friends that I’ve had for a long time and, that no matter what, will always be there. But at the same time I was reminded that the friendships I thought I have made are not real. They are fabrications of what I wish a friendship was.

It’s silly, but this is a constant reminder that I really need a friend that is my go to person. Someone who isn’t my boyfriend, though I love having him to talk to.

I feel like I don’t have that friend in my life where I can just hang out with, talk to about nothing, and just be myself.

5 years ago I never would have thought that I would be sitting in on a saturday night, thinking about the fact that I don’t really have a “good friend”. Because 5 years ago I swore everyone was my “good friend”.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong.

When I was in university, I wanted so bad to be a part of this group of girls. I wanted to be “in” with them and when I clearly wasn’t, it tore me apart. To this day I find it hard to see pictures of them all together, still friends. However, I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened with them.

And this is what is happening now.

Maybe it’s jealousy… no, it IS jealousy. I’m jealous that they all get a long so much better than with me…. and this is something I need to figure out. Why, why do they all get along better with each other than they do with me. Why do my current friends/acquaintance get along better with each other than they do with me?

I realize I’m a little crazy… in the sense that I have a very mild case of OCD. This applies to things like having control over a situation, cleaning, where things are placed/misplaced. I could tell you EXACTLY where something is placed, as long as I’m the one who put it there, or it hasn’t been moved since the last time I saw it. I can tell when one little thing has been moved, and it actually bothers me. I can’t stand messes, so if I’m having people over, more than half my night is spent tidying up. The boyfriend pointed out that this is a problem.

I’ve also realized that this has caused distances within my friendships. I know that I’m a difficult person to live with because of this, and I may be a difficult person to be around (especially when it’s in my home) in general. But is this the reason I can’t keep long term friendships?

I kind of feel like I’m in grade 10 gushing about why I don’t have a boyfriend… Now I have a boyfriend and I am gushing about why I don’t really have any friends. 

This wasn’t on an episode of Sex and the City… though if it was, it would end with me and three of my best girlfriends out at a VIP lounge having a cocktail.

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100th Post!

P.S. My last post was my 100th post! Congratulations to me!!!!! I wish I noticed before I posted, maybe I would have done something a little more 100th post worthy, like a list of my favourite 100 songs, or foods…

Anyway…

Thank you everyone who has stuck by my blog and continued to read even though I have been pretty MIA the last 6 months. Without all of you, I probably would still be writing, but no one would be reading, so I thank you.

I hope that I continue to interest all of you enough to return for more. Otherwise, thanks for stopping by!

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Marriage…

Apparently the thing that has been on everyone’s mind.

Ok, maybe not everyone, but I feel like it’s everywhere.

I’ve reached the age where friends, friends of friends, facebook friends etc… are all getting engaged. On my day after Christmas, day after New Years, day after Valentine’s day facebook checks, I anticipate a new engagement announcement. I have now for two years.

A lot of my friends have been in long term relationships, or in relationships that they believe are “the one”. Which is great! But this also means there is talk of marriage almost every time we hang out. Whether it’s “we are going to get married, I’m just waiting for the proposal” or “I know he’s the one, it’s just too soon to get engaged”, it’s all talk about getting married.

I’m beyond excited to, one day, get married. I’m right in the middle of those two points. It’s not a matter of when he is going to do it, nor is it too soon. It just is. When it happens it happens.

I’m so content with where we are right now. We just bought a house together and we are just getting used to the idea of it being the two of us.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think about it, A LOT! But part of that is because people are always talking about it around me. When we announced we bought a house, the second thing people said to me (the first being congratulations) was “When’s the wedding?” or “are you getting married?” And since all my friends are talking about I feel like it’s on my mind constantly.

I’ve thought about everything. From the location, to my dress, to the flowers. I’ve thought about the planning and all the things you do leading up to a wedding. I’ve thought about who would be in my wedding. I’ve thought about it all! But I try very hard not to talk about it… and here I am, writing a blog post about it.

It feels like I haven’t stopped thinking about it for weeks now, and the only way to get it of my chest is to write it all down and maybe, just maybe, I can move on with my thoughts and think about something a little more productive, like what I am going to make for dinner.

So, do I want to get married? Yes, one day. When it’s time. Not that I have a set time, but just when it’s time. But the biggest question should be, do I want to marry him? And my response is: I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So even if he never “pops the question” I’ll want to be with him forever.

Now it’s time for me to stop thinking about it and let things just happen. Because if it never happens, I could be setting myself up for some major disappointment. But if it does happen, I want to be surprised and happy rather than relieved.

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We’ve Moved!!!…. Almost.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year… and merry/happy anything else I may have missed.

The boyfriend and I finally live in our own home. Ok, that’s a lie, we don’t live there just yet, but will be living there full time in less than 48 hours. We’ve had ownership over the house for a little over a month now, but have been taking advantage of the fact that we don’t have to move out of his parents house right away and painting/doing any other minor renovations. And we are DONE!Image

Every time I went there I forgot my camera, so instead I took a couple photos with my phone to capture the “before”, however, just recently I dropped my phone into the toilet. Everything works, except my camera and my picture/video albums. So I have no before photos.

Buying a house together has definitely been a learning experience. One thing I learned about the boyfriend is that he needs to write things down and make lists in order to get things done. For example, he has to sit down with a spread sheet and go over every expense/savings in order to determine how much he has left over at the end of the month. I handle these things a little bit differently. I like to pay for what needs to be paid for and whatever is left over I either put some into savings or spend. Simple. Easy. And no complicated spread sheets required. Part of my mentality comes from the fact that I have lived on my own before and have had bills to pay since I was old enough to open my own bank account.

The other thing he needs to do is compose lists after lists to organize himself. He has to do lists daily and when it came to getting ourselves organized to move into our house he created so many lists I lost track of it all. The lists were made up of all the things we needed to buy to paint, things we needs to paint, things we had, things we needed, things we knew we were getting for Christmas etc… ok maybe I’m exaggerating, but he made a lot of lists. I like to just go with it.

In a way I guess you would say we complement each other. He keeps things a little more organized than I do, and I try not to let us worry too much about the little things.

However, I have never been so stressed out in my entire life. We have been on the go since we first got possession of the house and we haven’t stopped. This is in no way an exaggeration. If we weren’t at our 9-5’s we were either at our house painting until 11pm or we were out buying things for our house. And to top it all off it was Christmas, so we were also doing our Christmas shopping when time allowed us. And after all that, I was determined to not let our activity level fall off the chart, so we went to bootcamp twice a week and ran at least once (which to me wasn’t enough, and thus added to my already high stress level).

As we head into our new lives together, I couldn’t be more happier. Someone at work said to me the other day that I looked so happy. I think part of it is because we are finally done all the heckticness of painting, but also because this is the beginning of the rest of our lives (together I hope!).

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New Love

New love *sigh* it’s a beautiful thing!

It’s a feeling of complete and utter happiness. You get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about the person. You find yourself wanting to talk about the person all the time and finding little ways to slip their name into a conversation. You drop everything and anything if it meant you could spend even 5 more minutes with that person. You smile more often and day-dream about them.

Sometimes you get so lost in new love that you forget about your friends. A couple of weeks go by and you stop and think “oh my, I haven’t talked to ____ in so long”. But you forget to send them a message. And then a month or two fly by, you’re busy doing everything with your new love. You’ve gone on a small road trip, or have seen a couple of movies. You may have met the family one Sunday afternoon. You still haven’t messaged that friend. But it doesn’t matter because you are so in love.

You made plans months ago to go on vacation with your friend, but how could you possibly spend a week away from your new love. You want to spend every waking moment with this person. So you cancel your plans. You feel a little guilty, but you know that they will get over it. You have never cancelled on plans before so this one time won’t hurt.

Over the next few months you make a point in spending a couple of hours with this friend. Maybe you get your nails done, or you go out for coffee. But it’s nothing like it used to be. You don’t want to spend an entire day/night away from your love so you make as little plans as possible. “But you’re still seeing her” you tell yourself “so it’s ok that I only want to spend a couple of hours with her”.

And then a year goes by. You may have seen this friend enough times to count on one hand. It makes you a little sad, but so much time has passed, how can it ever be the same as it was before?

The new love turns into much more and he proposes *yey* and you think “who am I going to ask to be in my wedding party?” The friends you once thought would be standing next to you sharing your special day are no longer your close friends anymore. You’re stuck with your sister and his sister and hopefully a best friend. What happened to “I have too many friends, how am I ever going to choose who is going to be my bridesmaids?” You lost touch with so many “friends” over the course of your new love.

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My biggest fear: Not having any good girlfriends.

I’m guilty of the above. Over time I’ve lost touch of some dear friends. Some of which are friends I thought would be standing next to me on my big day (not that it’s happening soon or anything). But as my “friends” start to get engaged and get married and I see pictures pop up on Facebook (the devil) it makes me think about my own situation.

I had to use this picture, it was just too cute

And as new relationship bloom around me and these trends begin to happen, I fear losing these friends.

My biggest fear is turning 30 and not having a single girlfriend to celebrate with me. Or getting married and (as much as I love my sister to death) only having my sister standing next to me.

As we get older our priorities change. My priorities stand with my career and my future family. My boyfriend is my number one priority. But that shouldn’t mean that my best friend(s) come last. They still hold a special place in my heart, but how do I stop myself from forgetting about them completely? And, as we get older our priorities vary from person to person. Just because I want to focus on my career and my future doesn’t mean my friends have the same ideas.

Its reasons like these that I feel “girl time” is so important – even if it happens only once a year.

New loves can consume you. But everyone forgives the blindness a new love causes. You just have to make sure that it doesn’t last forever. You usually gain your sight back after a year or so.

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Chapter 1: My first real job – comes to an end

I bought a car this weekend!!

That's my baby

I’m so excited. It’s my very first BRAND NEW car. I’ve had a car before, but it was old and didn’t have that new car smell. It took two full days out of my four-day weekend, but I got it done and I will have a car for my first day at my new job.

New car, new job, new beginnings.

I got really sad today. The boyfriend sent me a meeting invite for my last day at work lunch. It made me sad because it’s the end of this chapter in my life. A chapter I am very happy to be closing, but one that I will never forget. It was here (at the office) where I met the boyfriend, where we became friends and eventually a little more. It was here where I realized that I was not happy in my previous relationship and that I had a true friend who lent me his shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. It was here, one day after work while we were sitting in a park, where he told me he loved me.

I never expected when I started here that I would meet the love of my life. But since it happened, I never pictured our life apart. My moving on to another job does not mean our life is any less together; we just don’t get to share our lunch bags anymore, or go on our coffee breaks together. And no matter how much I will miss seeing his face all day long; this change will be good for us.

I’m looking forward to being excited to see him at the end of the day. I can’t wait to have so much to talk about because we didn’t get to talk about it at lunch or on our break. It will also be nice to be 100% open about our relationship. Not that it isn’t obvious, but I’ve felt uncomfortable discussing it at work. I’m excited that we will have two Christmas parties to attend. It’s almost like to have to convince myself that I’m excited to be away from the boyfriend when we all know that it’s impossible to get excited about something like that.

It will be a big change. I will be sad and I’m sure he will be sad.

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Date Day

Lately my weekends have been feeling strangely long, but I’m not going to complain because it’s like I get a long weekend every weekend! This upcoming weekend is going to feel super long since I get Friday and Monday off. I can’t wait, I haven’t taken any vacation this year and I live for the long weekends.

This past weekend was really great. My dad and stepmom asked me awhile ago if I could take my younger brother to his baseball practice on Friday night and Saturday morning since they were both going away that weekend. I agreed. I figured they have done so much for me I may as well show my appreciation and do as they ask. It turned out to be pretty fun.

My dad and my step mother met when I was 8 years old and they had my brother when I was 12. So there is a pretty big gap in our age. When he was a baby I wanted to spend every single day with him; but as he got older, he slowly became the annoying little brother. When I moved out of my parent’s house last year, I found myself missing him. I always thought that we had lost the connection I had with him when he was little, but we are siblings and no matter what he will always be my little brother. However, in the last year he’s turned into my extremely tall little brother. I’m a pretty average person, in every way. I have the most average sized feet, the most average waist size and the most average height. I’m 5’5. In the last year my 13 year old brother has gone from shorter than my average height to probably over 6 feet tall. He’s taller than the boyfriend (haha). He’s also taller than my dad. Every time I see him he’s taller than the last time.

Anyway, it was nice to spend some quality time with him. We haven’t had a lot of opportunities to do that. His baseball practice was cancelled on Friday night because of all the rain we had, so we ended up going to watch the boyfriend play baseball. There was a really creepy man (probably on drugs or something) who decided to serenade everyone at the field. He was a terrible guitar player and an even worse singer. After no one paid any attention to him, he decided that his mother was calling him home for dinner. So weird.

Saturday we had to get up super early to drive my brother to his baseball practice. The boyfriend and I were planning on running after we dropped him off, but it was still raining, so instead we went back home and napped. I haven’t napped in so long, it was so refreshing. After my brothers practice we dropped him off at a friend’s house in the city and the boyfriend decided to take me out on a day date.

Now I don’t know if it’s because he read my post or if he just happened to think about taking me out on a date on a whim. But either way, I was really excited.  We headed over to the Distillery District because this weekend was the Toronto Jazz festival, and there was one band playing there (if you’re not from Toronto, the Distillery District is this “village” in the city that is all brick and lined with restored industrial buildings and it has one of my favourite breweries, Mill St.).

Our first stop was a coffee shop. The weirdest thing happened, as soon as I walked in (I have never been to this coffee shop before in my entire life) I instantly recognized the place from a dream I had not too long ago. The dream was f’d, but it took place in this coffee shop. Maybe I’ve seen a picture of it before, but I know for a fact that I had never been there, so it was really trippy having the sense of deja vu. Oh, and there was a guy wearing Toms, I didn’t even know they were available for men. Guess what the boyfriends getting for his birthday?!?! Haha… It’s for a good cause!!

We walked around the Distillery District and went into the different shops until we finished our coffee, and then we headed to the Mill St. brewery where we both had a pint. I had my favourite beer, Mill St. Organic, and he tried something new, Mill St. Wit, which is a wheat beer and comes with a slice of orange. It was good, but nothing beats Blue Moon. That is my absolute favourite wheat beer.

After our beer, we made our way out of the district and over to Gretzksy’s (yes, like the hockey player, he has a restaurant in Toronto) where we met one of our couple friends for dinner and watched a comedy show at Second City. It was a perfect date day!  

Yesterday I ran 14.7K for the first time! I also bought these sexy new shoes that encourage barefoot running. My body hated me right after this run and my calves are punishing me today for running in new shoes. It was worth it! A year ago I could barely run 5K and now I can run more than twice that. I’m very proud of myself 🙂

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