Tag Archives: fight

Dreams: It’s what we’re made of

This morning I heard that Statistics Canada is no longer tracking divorce rates. Hmmm… one reason they said is because it will save them money. But the question here is why the hell does it cost so much to track these stats? Are there really THAT many people getting divorced? Another reason they said is because more and more people are living together for a long period of time without tying the knot.

What kind of hope does this provide all of us hopeless romantics who envision our lives as one big love story straight out of the movies?

I’ve imagined that I will meet the man of my dream (*ahem prince charming of course*) and we would fall madly in love. The kind of love that NEVER fades. The kind of love that people are jealous of. And the kind of love where you never disagree on anything (as if that exists). I imagined that he would propose to me in the most magical way possible.  Maybe by spelling it out in roses on a large open field surrounded by willow trees, or maybe flying me to Paris and proposing at the bottom of the Eifel Tower (although, I’ve heard that it’s not as romantic there as I thought. There are a lot of tourists, apparently). We would have the most romantic wedding and not a single person would have a dry eye in the house. Our parents would buy us our first home (HAHAHA!!!!!) and we would go on the honeymoon of any newlyweds dream (I’m still deciding whre that would be). We would move into our beautiful home with a white picket fence and a wraparound porch. We would have three children, two boys and a girl, and I would be a stay at home mom and… So apparently I’ve imagined my entire life to be a Hollywood love story.

But tell me, what’s wrong with dreaming?

Well, that’s exactly it, they are dreams. The reality is that there are people who get married and are madly in love and stay together for 60 years. And then there are people who get married too quickly, believing they are in love, and a couple of years later it doesn’t work out. And there are people who get to know each other, fall in love, and get married but fifteen years later divorce. But the overall trend here is that people give up on their dreams.

The boyfriend’s parents have been married for 26 years. And the boyfriend’s grandparents have been married for over 60. And my parents, well they divorced when I was 8.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I talked about what the difference is between a couple that stays together for 26 years versus one that doesn’t. I asked him “have your parents ever had a rough time in their marriage? And if so, how did they handle it?” He really didn’t know the answer. Part of not knowing is because he’s a guy and most guys wouldn’t ask their parents something like that. The other reason he didn’t know the answer is because he really never saw too much “unhappiness” coming from his parent’s relationship.

But what he has noticed is how supportive they are of each other. He’s noticed that no matter how wrong one of them may be, the other one supports them 100%. His mother will wake up super early on a Saturday morning to go for a long run with his father because that’s what his father loves to do. His father will stand by his mother’s side when she makes decisions/comments about her children’s lives, even if she is wrong. This may be the biggest challenge I will have in my relationships. Thanks to my stubbornness I may have some hurdles to overcome when it comes to 100% supporting my spouse.

Another thing the boyfriend and I talked about was giving up. This brings me back to letting go of your dreams. We all (well most of us) fight for what we believe in. I fight for finding the job of my dreams. I’ll keep fighting until I do. So why can’t we fight for the relationship of our dreams? We fell in love with our spouse for a reason, and when you made those vows at the altar, they weren’t just empty words. At that moment, you were living your dream. So when things get rough, what do most people do? They give up, because divorce is so easy these days. But if we all fought for our dreams, then we could work at keeping the relationship alive.

I’ve never been married, but from what I can tell, marriage is not easy. It takes some self sacrificing, some hard work and a ton of team effort. Just like buying your dream home, or going on your dream vacation, everything requires a little bit of work and a little bit of time (and usually a lot of money).

Fight for your dreams. We have them for a reason!

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Love Is A Battlefield

Sometimes I think I have it all figured out. And other times I realize I’m only 25 and there is no way I have anything figured out.

This past weekend was hard. It was a great weekend over all, but it was the point in our relationship that made me see things a little more clearly. Sure, I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I’m confident enough to say that I’m close.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I hit a couple of road bumps. None of which caused any permanent damage, maybe just a few scratches that were easily repaired. But these bumps made me realize that I have a great man in my life. I’ve always known he was a great guy (probably the best guy I’ve ever dated), but I never truly realized how perfect he was for me.

I’m extremely stubborn and when I think I’m right, I’m right! But these thoughts don’t really get me anywhere. In past relationships I would never have budged. I would have stuck to my guns no matter what! But I’ve come to realize that sometimes I’m not right (*gasp* I know, it’s crazy right?!) Sometimes my reactions are uncalled for and sometimes I need to apologize (this is something I was not very good at, and I’m still working on it). But I’ve realized that the boyfriend is worth these changes.

I’ve never had anyone who was this good to me. Sometimes I don’t believe that I have someone this great. I resort back to my old ways of thinking and pull myself into a hole where I can hide my feelings. I sometimes forget that he treats me with all the respect in the world and assume that this mistakes he makes are in spite of me.

I do not blame anyone but myself. I allowed myself to be in the relationships I was in for as long as I was. I allowed these guys to treat me the way they did, and I made myself believe that it was love. But sometimes it’s easier to blame others. Sometimes it’s easier to turn your back on the ones that really care and face those who treat you badly. And sometimes, but only sometimes, you get a glimpse of what could be and are terrified that good things just can’t happen to you. But no one is holding you down other than yourself.

This past weekend made me realize that I’m my own problem. I have to stop resorting to my old way of thinking (blaming others for my own problems, feeling sorry for myself and being so negative). It’s time I realize what I have, and what I have is more than I could have ever asked for.

I’m so in love with my boyfriend. We are coming up on a year, and although I’m sure I’ve said this before, this has been the best year of my entire life (so far). I still get flutters in my chest when I think about him and I hope they never die out.

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The Morning Show Blew My Mind!

The craziest thing happened on my drive into work Friday morning.

If you live in Toronto, and listen to the 99.9 Virgin Radio Morning show then you may have an idea what I’m talking about.

I used to be an avid Z103.5 morning show listener until they decided to change their morning show hosts after 10+ years, and now I can’t stand it. So I’ve reverted back to my middle school morning show, the MadDog and Billie show. They are great! Since I’ve started listening again, I forgot why I ever stopped.

Anyway, I’m sure most radio stations are aware of changes happening to their competition. Since Z103.5 changed their morning show hosts, I’ve noticed some hostility towards the station. There are two other competitors in the same target audience for morning show listeners, 99.9 Virgin Radio and Kiss 92.5. So how does a radio station grab the attention of their potential listeners?

Well, 99.9 Virgin radio pulled a Jerry Springer! Well done Virgin Radio, well done!!

Now, I’m sure you are all wondering what they could have possibly done to have me sitting in shock, stuck in traffic on a Friday morning with my jaw on my lap. Since this blog is about life and relationships, I wouldn’t write about it if it didn’t involve that. And Jerry Springer wouldn’t be the train wreck it is without people like this.

A girl, named Jackie, emailed into the radio station suspecting that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her. The hosts decided to call her to get a little more info. The reason she suspected her boyfriend was cheating was because:
1. He recently put a password lock on his phone (probably the number one sign someone is cheating. If they didn’t already have one on there and suddenly decided they should, CHEATER!!)
2. He would bring is phone into the bathroom with him, all the time. (This is because he doesn’t want it lying around for her to have a chance to go through it)
3. He has recently become standoffish, not as lovey (this is usually a sure sign of a cheater)

There were other factors, but I can’t remember. Anyway, the hosts decided to see if they could help her out. So what did they decide to do? Well, Billie (the female host) decided to call the boyfriend, Rick, and pose as a customer service representative from his phone company. They dialed his number, he answered and she proceeded to tell him that his phone company was doing a special promotion for the month of May where they were thanking their loyal customers by sending roses to a person of their choice. So all he needed to do was give her the name of the person he would like to send flowers to, their address and a personal message. He was surprised, but appreciative of the gesture. He thought for a second and said “Send them to Laura” (please note that his girlfriend who called in was named Jackie, who was still on the line listening, as was all of the GTA). Billie, without giving herself away, asks what he would like to say in the personal message. “Umm… it has been nice getting to know you, and I look forward to the weekend. Xoxo Rick”. At this point, MadDog jumps in and introduces himself as himself and the host of 99.9 morning show. Then he asks if Jackie has anything to say. At this point, Rick is flabbergasted, he doesn’t know what to say, he is stuttering, but he pulls the most ridiculous story out of his ass.

Rick: “Jackie, what did you do?”

Jackie: “Who’s Laura?”

Rick: “She is ummm…uhhh… a co-worker. We just got to know each other umm… uhhh… I’m trying to build work relationships and maintain them….”

Jackie: “You don’t send roses to a co-worker!!”

Rick: “Well it’s just to maintain our working relationship”

MadDog and Billie: “What about this weekend? Are you seeing her?”

Rick: “I have a work conference this weekend, so yeah, she will be there… but that’s it. Jackie, come with me this weekend you will see”

Jackie: “I’m not coming with you! Do you think I’m stupid?”

Rick: “I’m not doing this on the f**king radio…..”

And the line goes dead.

WOW! WOW! WOW! I didn’t know if I should laugh, applaud, or be offended that the radio station would do such a thing (yet, it was too brilliant to be offended). Of course the radio station received multiple phone calls from their listeners expressing their response to what just happened.

This got me thinking, not only about how amazing of a stunt this was and how they probably secured a ton of new listeners who abandoned their old radio station and were debating between the other two. But, it got my relationship mind juices flowing.

I’ve discussed cheating in previous posts, but this got me thinking about gut instincts. We all have them, whether it’s within a relationship or just meeting someone for the first time. Jackie had gut feelings that her boyfriend was cheating on her, and look how that turned out.

I’m not saying that every gut instinct you feel is correct, but you have to think about why you got those feelings. Something about that person struck a chord with you, and in most cases your initial feelings are right.

I dated a couple of guys were I had that gut retching feeling that they were cheating. It’s like someone grabbed a hold of your insides and was twisting them. And in both cases I was right. I figured one out by checking his cell phone and the other by connecting the obvious dots.

But do you go on a radio station and have them air your dirty laundry in front of hundreds/thousands of listeners? Why the hell not? The great thing about radio is no one can see your face, they don’t announce your last name, and your voice usually sounds quite a bit different on the radio.

Congrats Virgin Radio, you’ve won this listener over!

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Too Much Too Soon?

Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the wonderful mothers out there!! Especially my mom, because she’s the best mom ever!!! (at least to me she is :))

Anywho, let’s get down to business. I started this blog to talk about my relationship experiences, and it’s about time I talk about it!

I have this best friend who is dealing with something most of us are familiar with, newly single and dating. And since I am not single, nor dating, I must live my blog vicariously through her (and other single friends). I love hearing her stories about the single life and all it has to offer… or not offer in some cases.

She entered into singlehood back in December. A decision, I believe, was the best decision for her. She moved home after being away for a couple of years, a transition I am somewhat familiar with and understand the struggles of it. But not only was her life changing romantically, but her career path was also taking on a new life. She is now able to focus her time on what she wants to do, rather than working any old job just to pay the rent.

Since she has been home, she’s been out on a couple of dates. But is well aware of the fact that she needs to wait until she is ready before jumping into another relationship. For some it can take only a couple of months before they are ready, and for others, well they just never get over their ex. But she’s out there, testing the waters and see what else this crazy world of dating has to offer.

Recently, she met a boy. I don’t know too much about the logistics of their meeting and how it went from meeting to a first date, but that’s besides the point. What matters is what happens after the first date.

I was reading a post by Matthew about eagerness after a date. I’ve experienced the “way too soon” phone call/text that totally creeped me out and I went running from a second date. But what happens if the timing is just right, but the date suggestion is a little too much too soon? Let me clarify, what if he asks you to a work event where you would meet his coworkers on your second date? Is that too much too soon? I’d vote YES! But is it enough to creep you that you no longer want to see this guy? Probably not. If that were me, I would probably say “No thanks” and move on. I wouldn’t give him a second chance. Not because it’s weird, but because it seems a little desperate.

“But what if he’s really nice?” before my ex, the being nice card wouldn’t fly with me. That wouldn’t be enough to give him another chance after asking me to a work function on the second date. However, I think if I were single now I would. So what did she do? She gave him a second chance! And you know what, she likes him and he makes her happy. Kudos to her.

I don’t know where she stands with him, are they “dating” or are they “just friends”, will it go somewhere? I don’t think she even knows yet, but that’s the joy of the single life, the unknown.

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Free Pass

I came across this article today about how you handle having a bad day when your in a relationship. I found his point of view Interesting and it may just work! You need ton ask for a free pass when your having a bad day and your bad day affects another person.

I know that I am very affected by others emotions. If someone around me is unhappy I find it very difficult to not be unhappy. Or if my significant other is having a bad day I end up having one too. So maybe if we gave each other a free pass on the days that we are not ourselves than maybe most of our silly arguments won’t happen.

Unfortunately I don’t think this rule applies to other relationships.

Oh, and the boyfriend comes back tonight, yay!! I miss him a lot. It’s lame because it’s been only 3 days but I see nothing wrong with missing someone.

P.S. I have no idea how to upload an image to my post using an iPad and I had such a cute one for this post.

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The Car Ride…

What happens when you’re stuck in a car with a girl who is PMSing, for over 2 hours because of snow and traffic, and you’re going to be VERY late for work?

I’m sure you’ve all guess it, but a fight happens. And an extremely stupid one for that matter.

People do not know how to drive in the snow after having 2 weeks off with dry roads. So the boyfriend and I were over an hour late for work this morning. But to make matters worse I feel like crap because it’s that time of the month, and I haven’t been able to get to the gym, or any kind of work out for 4 days.

I remember why the fight started, but I can’t even remember what exactly was said/exchanged. The worst part was that we were stuck in a car. I’ve learned over the years that when I get angry I need some time to cool off before I talk about it, otherwise things could blow up. When you’re stuck in a car there is no where else to go to cool off, you can’t just get up and leave or go to another room while you recompose yourself.

The boyfriend likes to talk things out right away, as soon as the argument happens. I’m not like that. I would much rather take some time to myself to think about it, to let myself calm down before I go into talking about what made me angry. There was no way out, I had to sit and listen, which lead to boiling right over.

The boyfriend started to get the idea, he already knows what I’m like in those situations, but I also know what he is like so I normally use the opportunity of a larger space and walk away so I can calm down. In a car I don’t have that luxury. So he finally stopped trying to talk about it, let me sit in silence and we finally made it to work, alive!

So now I look back and I have a clear mind, and I feel bad for the things I said (although I can’t remember all of it), and I know that it didn’t have to turn out that way. So what do you do if you’re in that situation? I obviously can’t walk away, so next time (hopefully there is no next time) how do we avoid it turning into something more than it should have been?

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In My Opinion: Couples Vacations

I’ve completed the cleanse, thank god. Although we didn’t make it past Friday. It’s hard to limit what you eat on weekends. It’s not like I pigged out or anything, but I didn’t want to eat just soup all weekend. So rather than finishing the cleanse, I just ate really healthy. I even had a full vegan meal yesterday (not that all vegan food is healthy, but mine was).

Anywho, I’ve decided to do something a little different. Since I have been slacking on the relationship stories/advice/bull, I’ve decided to add a feature called “In my opinion”. The first one I decided to talk about is couples vacations.

A lot of people I know have gone on vacations with their significant other. Some of them go on annual vacations. I, on the other hand, have never been on a vacation (i.e. hopping on a plane and landing somewhere where you can relax, sight see, lay on a beach, speak another language etc…) with a signification other. Why, you ask? Well, my most recent ex never had money so a vacation was out of the question, unless I paid for both of us. And any other guy I dated in the past never lasted long enough to make it to the “couples vacation” stage in our relationship. The one and only time I’ve been to an all-inclusive, at that point in my life, I was completely happy going with a bunch of girls rather than spending the week with a guy I was casually dating and not being able to do all the fun things I did while I was there. Plus, when you travel with someone you find out more about them then you ever thought you would.

I think couples vacations are a good way to get to know someone if you don’t already live together or spend every day together. However, I don’t think going away on a week-long vacation once a year means you know each other well. You can be so different when you’re on vacation. Take The Bachelor for example. Of course they are falling in love, every week they are traveling to an exotic location, doing things like repelling down a waterfall, boat cruises, helicopter rides, dinners on a tiny secluded island. How could they not fall in love?!?! So even though it’s nice to go away with your signficant other, personally I think that couples vacations should wait until you really know the person and are already in love with them. I’m glad I’ve waited to go on vacation with a boyfriend because when I do it will mean that much more.

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