Tag Archives: lust

Sex and the City?!?! The Friendship Edition

I’m really tired of trying hard to be friends with everyone. There was a day when I had so many groups of friends, there was never a night where I didn’t have something to do. I always imagined that my late twenties would be exactly like Sex and the City, except I didn’t want to date a lot of guys, I just wanted a group of girlfriends like Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love having a night off, or two. But there are some things that I need to prioritize in my life and one of those things is friendships.

I realize the importance of having friends. And I feel like I can make friends fairly quickly, but recently I’ve been so tied up with moving into my new place (which involved moving away from everyone and everything I know, since it’s on the opposite side of the city), and a new job that takes up a lot of my time.

I’ve also picked up some hobbies, hobbies that take up a lot of my time. When I’m not at work, I’m so busy doing everything else that I rarely have time to even send a text message.

I know this is no excuse, but when you start to grow up and have other things to do, you don’t have the time you once had to spend every moment with friends.

Today I was reminded of the two friends that I’ve had for a long time and, that no matter what, will always be there. But at the same time I was reminded that the friendships I thought I have made are not real. They are fabrications of what I wish a friendship was.

It’s silly, but this is a constant reminder that I really need a friend that is my go to person. Someone who isn’t my boyfriend, though I love having him to talk to.

I feel like I don’t have that friend in my life where I can just hang out with, talk to about nothing, and just be myself.

5 years ago I never would have thought that I would be sitting in on a saturday night, thinking about the fact that I don’t really have a “good friend”. Because 5 years ago I swore everyone was my “good friend”.

Maybe that’s where I went wrong.

When I was in university, I wanted so bad to be a part of this group of girls. I wanted to be “in” with them and when I clearly wasn’t, it tore me apart. To this day I find it hard to see pictures of them all together, still friends. However, I don’t blame anyone but myself for what happened with them.

And this is what is happening now.

Maybe it’s jealousy… no, it IS jealousy. I’m jealous that they all get a long so much better than with me…. and this is something I need to figure out. Why, why do they all get along better with each other than they do with me. Why do my current friends/acquaintance get along better with each other than they do with me?

I realize I’m a little crazy… in the sense that I have a very mild case of OCD. This applies to things like having control over a situation, cleaning, where things are placed/misplaced. I could tell you EXACTLY where something is placed, as long as I’m the one who put it there, or it hasn’t been moved since the last time I saw it. I can tell when one little thing has been moved, and it actually bothers me. I can’t stand messes, so if I’m having people over, more than half my night is spent tidying up. The boyfriend pointed out that this is a problem.

I’ve also realized that this has caused distances within my friendships. I know that I’m a difficult person to live with because of this, and I may be a difficult person to be around (especially when it’s in my home) in general. But is this the reason I can’t keep long term friendships?

I kind of feel like I’m in grade 10 gushing about why I don’t have a boyfriend… Now I have a boyfriend and I am gushing about why I don’t really have any friends. 

This wasn’t on an episode of Sex and the City… though if it was, it would end with me and three of my best girlfriends out at a VIP lounge having a cocktail.

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Warming our house!

We finally warmed our house with friends and family.

When I woke up Saturday morning, and looked out my bedroom window, my heart sank. Mother nature was being cruel and snowed all over us over night. I got my first cancellation phone call at 10am.

My history of parties is not a good one. Most of the time something happens and most people, one time no one, shows up. When I received my second cancellation phone call I felt like our night was doomed.

As the day went on, the sky cleared up and the snow began to melt. I wasn’t feeling any better about the possible turnout until I received A couple messages saying that they were for sure coming and the two that canceled were coming to!

By around 5pm our house was packed and by 730, everyone who said they would be there was there. Our small home was filled with all the important people in our lives. I couldn’t have asked for a better turn out or a better group of people to share our home with.

The best part of Saturday night was all the left over food! We haven’t had to go grocery shopping yet!

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Marriage…

Apparently the thing that has been on everyone’s mind.

Ok, maybe not everyone, but I feel like it’s everywhere.

I’ve reached the age where friends, friends of friends, facebook friends etc… are all getting engaged. On my day after Christmas, day after New Years, day after Valentine’s day facebook checks, I anticipate a new engagement announcement. I have now for two years.

A lot of my friends have been in long term relationships, or in relationships that they believe are “the one”. Which is great! But this also means there is talk of marriage almost every time we hang out. Whether it’s “we are going to get married, I’m just waiting for the proposal” or “I know he’s the one, it’s just too soon to get engaged”, it’s all talk about getting married.

I’m beyond excited to, one day, get married. I’m right in the middle of those two points. It’s not a matter of when he is going to do it, nor is it too soon. It just is. When it happens it happens.

I’m so content with where we are right now. We just bought a house together and we are just getting used to the idea of it being the two of us.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think about it, A LOT! But part of that is because people are always talking about it around me. When we announced we bought a house, the second thing people said to me (the first being congratulations) was “When’s the wedding?” or “are you getting married?” And since all my friends are talking about I feel like it’s on my mind constantly.

I’ve thought about everything. From the location, to my dress, to the flowers. I’ve thought about the planning and all the things you do leading up to a wedding. I’ve thought about who would be in my wedding. I’ve thought about it all! But I try very hard not to talk about it… and here I am, writing a blog post about it.

It feels like I haven’t stopped thinking about it for weeks now, and the only way to get it of my chest is to write it all down and maybe, just maybe, I can move on with my thoughts and think about something a little more productive, like what I am going to make for dinner.

So, do I want to get married? Yes, one day. When it’s time. Not that I have a set time, but just when it’s time. But the biggest question should be, do I want to marry him? And my response is: I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So even if he never “pops the question” I’ll want to be with him forever.

Now it’s time for me to stop thinking about it and let things just happen. Because if it never happens, I could be setting myself up for some major disappointment. But if it does happen, I want to be surprised and happy rather than relieved.

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Dreams: It’s what we’re made of

This morning I heard that Statistics Canada is no longer tracking divorce rates. Hmmm… one reason they said is because it will save them money. But the question here is why the hell does it cost so much to track these stats? Are there really THAT many people getting divorced? Another reason they said is because more and more people are living together for a long period of time without tying the knot.

What kind of hope does this provide all of us hopeless romantics who envision our lives as one big love story straight out of the movies?

I’ve imagined that I will meet the man of my dream (*ahem prince charming of course*) and we would fall madly in love. The kind of love that NEVER fades. The kind of love that people are jealous of. And the kind of love where you never disagree on anything (as if that exists). I imagined that he would propose to me in the most magical way possible.  Maybe by spelling it out in roses on a large open field surrounded by willow trees, or maybe flying me to Paris and proposing at the bottom of the Eifel Tower (although, I’ve heard that it’s not as romantic there as I thought. There are a lot of tourists, apparently). We would have the most romantic wedding and not a single person would have a dry eye in the house. Our parents would buy us our first home (HAHAHA!!!!!) and we would go on the honeymoon of any newlyweds dream (I’m still deciding whre that would be). We would move into our beautiful home with a white picket fence and a wraparound porch. We would have three children, two boys and a girl, and I would be a stay at home mom and… So apparently I’ve imagined my entire life to be a Hollywood love story.

But tell me, what’s wrong with dreaming?

Well, that’s exactly it, they are dreams. The reality is that there are people who get married and are madly in love and stay together for 60 years. And then there are people who get married too quickly, believing they are in love, and a couple of years later it doesn’t work out. And there are people who get to know each other, fall in love, and get married but fifteen years later divorce. But the overall trend here is that people give up on their dreams.

The boyfriend’s parents have been married for 26 years. And the boyfriend’s grandparents have been married for over 60. And my parents, well they divorced when I was 8.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I talked about what the difference is between a couple that stays together for 26 years versus one that doesn’t. I asked him “have your parents ever had a rough time in their marriage? And if so, how did they handle it?” He really didn’t know the answer. Part of not knowing is because he’s a guy and most guys wouldn’t ask their parents something like that. The other reason he didn’t know the answer is because he really never saw too much “unhappiness” coming from his parent’s relationship.

But what he has noticed is how supportive they are of each other. He’s noticed that no matter how wrong one of them may be, the other one supports them 100%. His mother will wake up super early on a Saturday morning to go for a long run with his father because that’s what his father loves to do. His father will stand by his mother’s side when she makes decisions/comments about her children’s lives, even if she is wrong. This may be the biggest challenge I will have in my relationships. Thanks to my stubbornness I may have some hurdles to overcome when it comes to 100% supporting my spouse.

Another thing the boyfriend and I talked about was giving up. This brings me back to letting go of your dreams. We all (well most of us) fight for what we believe in. I fight for finding the job of my dreams. I’ll keep fighting until I do. So why can’t we fight for the relationship of our dreams? We fell in love with our spouse for a reason, and when you made those vows at the altar, they weren’t just empty words. At that moment, you were living your dream. So when things get rough, what do most people do? They give up, because divorce is so easy these days. But if we all fought for our dreams, then we could work at keeping the relationship alive.

I’ve never been married, but from what I can tell, marriage is not easy. It takes some self sacrificing, some hard work and a ton of team effort. Just like buying your dream home, or going on your dream vacation, everything requires a little bit of work and a little bit of time (and usually a lot of money).

Fight for your dreams. We have them for a reason!

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Love Is A Battlefield

Sometimes I think I have it all figured out. And other times I realize I’m only 25 and there is no way I have anything figured out.

This past weekend was hard. It was a great weekend over all, but it was the point in our relationship that made me see things a little more clearly. Sure, I haven’t figured it all out yet, but I’m confident enough to say that I’m close.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I hit a couple of road bumps. None of which caused any permanent damage, maybe just a few scratches that were easily repaired. But these bumps made me realize that I have a great man in my life. I’ve always known he was a great guy (probably the best guy I’ve ever dated), but I never truly realized how perfect he was for me.

I’m extremely stubborn and when I think I’m right, I’m right! But these thoughts don’t really get me anywhere. In past relationships I would never have budged. I would have stuck to my guns no matter what! But I’ve come to realize that sometimes I’m not right (*gasp* I know, it’s crazy right?!) Sometimes my reactions are uncalled for and sometimes I need to apologize (this is something I was not very good at, and I’m still working on it). But I’ve realized that the boyfriend is worth these changes.

I’ve never had anyone who was this good to me. Sometimes I don’t believe that I have someone this great. I resort back to my old ways of thinking and pull myself into a hole where I can hide my feelings. I sometimes forget that he treats me with all the respect in the world and assume that this mistakes he makes are in spite of me.

I do not blame anyone but myself. I allowed myself to be in the relationships I was in for as long as I was. I allowed these guys to treat me the way they did, and I made myself believe that it was love. But sometimes it’s easier to blame others. Sometimes it’s easier to turn your back on the ones that really care and face those who treat you badly. And sometimes, but only sometimes, you get a glimpse of what could be and are terrified that good things just can’t happen to you. But no one is holding you down other than yourself.

This past weekend made me realize that I’m my own problem. I have to stop resorting to my old way of thinking (blaming others for my own problems, feeling sorry for myself and being so negative). It’s time I realize what I have, and what I have is more than I could have ever asked for.

I’m so in love with my boyfriend. We are coming up on a year, and although I’m sure I’ve said this before, this has been the best year of my entire life (so far). I still get flutters in my chest when I think about him and I hope they never die out.

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Date Day

Lately my weekends have been feeling strangely long, but I’m not going to complain because it’s like I get a long weekend every weekend! This upcoming weekend is going to feel super long since I get Friday and Monday off. I can’t wait, I haven’t taken any vacation this year and I live for the long weekends.

This past weekend was really great. My dad and stepmom asked me awhile ago if I could take my younger brother to his baseball practice on Friday night and Saturday morning since they were both going away that weekend. I agreed. I figured they have done so much for me I may as well show my appreciation and do as they ask. It turned out to be pretty fun.

My dad and my step mother met when I was 8 years old and they had my brother when I was 12. So there is a pretty big gap in our age. When he was a baby I wanted to spend every single day with him; but as he got older, he slowly became the annoying little brother. When I moved out of my parent’s house last year, I found myself missing him. I always thought that we had lost the connection I had with him when he was little, but we are siblings and no matter what he will always be my little brother. However, in the last year he’s turned into my extremely tall little brother. I’m a pretty average person, in every way. I have the most average sized feet, the most average waist size and the most average height. I’m 5’5. In the last year my 13 year old brother has gone from shorter than my average height to probably over 6 feet tall. He’s taller than the boyfriend (haha). He’s also taller than my dad. Every time I see him he’s taller than the last time.

Anyway, it was nice to spend some quality time with him. We haven’t had a lot of opportunities to do that. His baseball practice was cancelled on Friday night because of all the rain we had, so we ended up going to watch the boyfriend play baseball. There was a really creepy man (probably on drugs or something) who decided to serenade everyone at the field. He was a terrible guitar player and an even worse singer. After no one paid any attention to him, he decided that his mother was calling him home for dinner. So weird.

Saturday we had to get up super early to drive my brother to his baseball practice. The boyfriend and I were planning on running after we dropped him off, but it was still raining, so instead we went back home and napped. I haven’t napped in so long, it was so refreshing. After my brothers practice we dropped him off at a friend’s house in the city and the boyfriend decided to take me out on a day date.

Now I don’t know if it’s because he read my post or if he just happened to think about taking me out on a date on a whim. But either way, I was really excited.  We headed over to the Distillery District because this weekend was the Toronto Jazz festival, and there was one band playing there (if you’re not from Toronto, the Distillery District is this “village” in the city that is all brick and lined with restored industrial buildings and it has one of my favourite breweries, Mill St.).

Our first stop was a coffee shop. The weirdest thing happened, as soon as I walked in (I have never been to this coffee shop before in my entire life) I instantly recognized the place from a dream I had not too long ago. The dream was f’d, but it took place in this coffee shop. Maybe I’ve seen a picture of it before, but I know for a fact that I had never been there, so it was really trippy having the sense of deja vu. Oh, and there was a guy wearing Toms, I didn’t even know they were available for men. Guess what the boyfriends getting for his birthday?!?! Haha… It’s for a good cause!!

We walked around the Distillery District and went into the different shops until we finished our coffee, and then we headed to the Mill St. brewery where we both had a pint. I had my favourite beer, Mill St. Organic, and he tried something new, Mill St. Wit, which is a wheat beer and comes with a slice of orange. It was good, but nothing beats Blue Moon. That is my absolute favourite wheat beer.

After our beer, we made our way out of the district and over to Gretzksy’s (yes, like the hockey player, he has a restaurant in Toronto) where we met one of our couple friends for dinner and watched a comedy show at Second City. It was a perfect date day!  

Yesterday I ran 14.7K for the first time! I also bought these sexy new shoes that encourage barefoot running. My body hated me right after this run and my calves are punishing me today for running in new shoes. It was worth it! A year ago I could barely run 5K and now I can run more than twice that. I’m very proud of myself 🙂

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Top Ten: First Date Locations

I completely forgot I stated a “Top Ten” category until I went to clean out my drafts and noticed I had a whole bunch unpublished.

Here are some great ideas for a first date. I guess these could also be used to answer my cry for help.

1. Mini Golf
2. Coffee Shop
3. A walk – On a boardwalk or in a park
4. Baseball game (or other sports game )
5. Ice Cream shop – Marble Slab or Cold Stone Creamery
6. An outdoor movie
7. Skating/Rollerblading (depends on the weather)
8. Lunch in a cafe
9. A picnic in a park
10. A pub (yes, a pub! A few drinks definitely help guide a conversation along)

These are all really great frist date choices because they allow you to talk to each other and get to know one another. The reason I did not include a dinner date is because there would be no pressure to financially impress. I know that some girls are thinking that they would rather be taken out to a fancy restaurant and be wined and dined, but I think that the best way to really get to know someone is go somewhere where there is no pressure to impress with material things. Of course if the guy can’t afford to even buy you lunch then he is probably a dud, but I would save the fancy date until the second date.

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