Tag Archives: lust

Boys and Their Breakups!

A new person joined my company back in January. He started on the same day as a previous colleague of mine who I referred to this company. When more than one person starts on the same day, they usually do all their orientation together for the first week. If things work out, you’re almost guaranteed a friend out of it. So in this case, I was already friends with the girl I referred the job to, and she became friends with this guy, so now there are four of us (two guys, two girls) who eat lunch together almost every day.

During lunch, we usually get into some pretty interesting conversations, but somehow our topics lead back to the new guy and his ex girlfriend. TNG (the new guy) was dating this girl for 3 ½ years, and he said that he was ready to propose. However, they broke up before the New Year (I’m not exactly sure when, but it was before he started in January). He never gives a reason as to why they broke up, other than she was immature and he couldn’t deal with it anymore. But to this day he still comes off as extremely bitter about it.

TNG’s ex girlfriend is currently dating someone else, which could be the reason he is bitter. She moved on, and if the story is true that he broke up with her than she moved on REALLY fast. So some bitterness is understandable. However, she still texts TNG. She sends him messages about how her current bf is “alright” but she just isn’t that happy, suggesting that she was happier with TNG. What I find really interesting is he talks about how bitter/angry he is with the break up, how immature she is and that he couldn’t deal with it, but he considers getting back together with her.

We’ve all asked him what it was about her that made her immature. His response was that she doesn’t like to cook… well that’s a little sexist if you ask me. But, he comes from a family that does that stuff for him already. He also said that she smokes too much. Ok, well I really don’t think that smoking too much and not cooking is a sign of immaturity. That’s who she is, and buddy, she isn’t going to change. But then I have to remind myself, TNG is also young. He’s not much younger than me, only about 2 years. But HE is young.

What I find really interesting about this entire scenario is that just over a year ago, sitting in the same lunch room, with a different group of people, sat myself and my current boyfriend. And where did our conversations end up then? How bitter he was about his “current” breakup. It was a very similar situation. It was a mutual break up months before I started working at the company; she was dating someone new and was still calling/texting him. It really got to him, just like it gets to TNG. This is exactly what she wants, attention. The fact that our lunch conversations end up back at these girls means they win. And I told TNG the same thing I told the boyfriend: don’t give her the attention she is obviously seeking. Ignore her, because once you ignore her and move on, she no longer wins.

However, I do think that if you want to “win” after a breakup (if winning is really important), you need to move on and genuinely be happy. If your ex wants to rub in your face how successful they are or how great their current relationship is, then be happy for them. Because the best revenge is no revenge at all.

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The Morning Show Blew My Mind!

The craziest thing happened on my drive into work Friday morning.

If you live in Toronto, and listen to the 99.9 Virgin Radio Morning show then you may have an idea what I’m talking about.

I used to be an avid Z103.5 morning show listener until they decided to change their morning show hosts after 10+ years, and now I can’t stand it. So I’ve reverted back to my middle school morning show, the MadDog and Billie show. They are great! Since I’ve started listening again, I forgot why I ever stopped.

Anyway, I’m sure most radio stations are aware of changes happening to their competition. Since Z103.5 changed their morning show hosts, I’ve noticed some hostility towards the station. There are two other competitors in the same target audience for morning show listeners, 99.9 Virgin Radio and Kiss 92.5. So how does a radio station grab the attention of their potential listeners?

Well, 99.9 Virgin radio pulled a Jerry Springer! Well done Virgin Radio, well done!!

Now, I’m sure you are all wondering what they could have possibly done to have me sitting in shock, stuck in traffic on a Friday morning with my jaw on my lap. Since this blog is about life and relationships, I wouldn’t write about it if it didn’t involve that. And Jerry Springer wouldn’t be the train wreck it is without people like this.

A girl, named Jackie, emailed into the radio station suspecting that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her. The hosts decided to call her to get a little more info. The reason she suspected her boyfriend was cheating was because:
1. He recently put a password lock on his phone (probably the number one sign someone is cheating. If they didn’t already have one on there and suddenly decided they should, CHEATER!!)
2. He would bring is phone into the bathroom with him, all the time. (This is because he doesn’t want it lying around for her to have a chance to go through it)
3. He has recently become standoffish, not as lovey (this is usually a sure sign of a cheater)

There were other factors, but I can’t remember. Anyway, the hosts decided to see if they could help her out. So what did they decide to do? Well, Billie (the female host) decided to call the boyfriend, Rick, and pose as a customer service representative from his phone company. They dialed his number, he answered and she proceeded to tell him that his phone company was doing a special promotion for the month of May where they were thanking their loyal customers by sending roses to a person of their choice. So all he needed to do was give her the name of the person he would like to send flowers to, their address and a personal message. He was surprised, but appreciative of the gesture. He thought for a second and said “Send them to Laura” (please note that his girlfriend who called in was named Jackie, who was still on the line listening, as was all of the GTA). Billie, without giving herself away, asks what he would like to say in the personal message. “Umm… it has been nice getting to know you, and I look forward to the weekend. Xoxo Rick”. At this point, MadDog jumps in and introduces himself as himself and the host of 99.9 morning show. Then he asks if Jackie has anything to say. At this point, Rick is flabbergasted, he doesn’t know what to say, he is stuttering, but he pulls the most ridiculous story out of his ass.

Rick: “Jackie, what did you do?”

Jackie: “Who’s Laura?”

Rick: “She is ummm…uhhh… a co-worker. We just got to know each other umm… uhhh… I’m trying to build work relationships and maintain them….”

Jackie: “You don’t send roses to a co-worker!!”

Rick: “Well it’s just to maintain our working relationship”

MadDog and Billie: “What about this weekend? Are you seeing her?”

Rick: “I have a work conference this weekend, so yeah, she will be there… but that’s it. Jackie, come with me this weekend you will see”

Jackie: “I’m not coming with you! Do you think I’m stupid?”

Rick: “I’m not doing this on the f**king radio…..”

And the line goes dead.

WOW! WOW! WOW! I didn’t know if I should laugh, applaud, or be offended that the radio station would do such a thing (yet, it was too brilliant to be offended). Of course the radio station received multiple phone calls from their listeners expressing their response to what just happened.

This got me thinking, not only about how amazing of a stunt this was and how they probably secured a ton of new listeners who abandoned their old radio station and were debating between the other two. But, it got my relationship mind juices flowing.

I’ve discussed cheating in previous posts, but this got me thinking about gut instincts. We all have them, whether it’s within a relationship or just meeting someone for the first time. Jackie had gut feelings that her boyfriend was cheating on her, and look how that turned out.

I’m not saying that every gut instinct you feel is correct, but you have to think about why you got those feelings. Something about that person struck a chord with you, and in most cases your initial feelings are right.

I dated a couple of guys were I had that gut retching feeling that they were cheating. It’s like someone grabbed a hold of your insides and was twisting them. And in both cases I was right. I figured one out by checking his cell phone and the other by connecting the obvious dots.

But do you go on a radio station and have them air your dirty laundry in front of hundreds/thousands of listeners? Why the hell not? The great thing about radio is no one can see your face, they don’t announce your last name, and your voice usually sounds quite a bit different on the radio.

Congrats Virgin Radio, you’ve won this listener over!

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Too Much Too Soon?

Happy Mother’s Day weekend to all the wonderful mothers out there!! Especially my mom, because she’s the best mom ever!!! (at least to me she is :))

Anywho, let’s get down to business. I started this blog to talk about my relationship experiences, and it’s about time I talk about it!

I have this best friend who is dealing with something most of us are familiar with, newly single and dating. And since I am not single, nor dating, I must live my blog vicariously through her (and other single friends). I love hearing her stories about the single life and all it has to offer… or not offer in some cases.

She entered into singlehood back in December. A decision, I believe, was the best decision for her. She moved home after being away for a couple of years, a transition I am somewhat familiar with and understand the struggles of it. But not only was her life changing romantically, but her career path was also taking on a new life. She is now able to focus her time on what she wants to do, rather than working any old job just to pay the rent.

Since she has been home, she’s been out on a couple of dates. But is well aware of the fact that she needs to wait until she is ready before jumping into another relationship. For some it can take only a couple of months before they are ready, and for others, well they just never get over their ex. But she’s out there, testing the waters and see what else this crazy world of dating has to offer.

Recently, she met a boy. I don’t know too much about the logistics of their meeting and how it went from meeting to a first date, but that’s besides the point. What matters is what happens after the first date.

I was reading a post by Matthew about eagerness after a date. I’ve experienced the “way too soon” phone call/text that totally creeped me out and I went running from a second date. But what happens if the timing is just right, but the date suggestion is a little too much too soon? Let me clarify, what if he asks you to a work event where you would meet his coworkers on your second date? Is that too much too soon? I’d vote YES! But is it enough to creep you that you no longer want to see this guy? Probably not. If that were me, I would probably say “No thanks” and move on. I wouldn’t give him a second chance. Not because it’s weird, but because it seems a little desperate.

“But what if he’s really nice?” before my ex, the being nice card wouldn’t fly with me. That wouldn’t be enough to give him another chance after asking me to a work function on the second date. However, I think if I were single now I would. So what did she do? She gave him a second chance! And you know what, she likes him and he makes her happy. Kudos to her.

I don’t know where she stands with him, are they “dating” or are they “just friends”, will it go somewhere? I don’t think she even knows yet, but that’s the joy of the single life, the unknown.

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It’s Monday… Again

Happy Monday!!

If I was a morning person I could get so much more accomplished. I would wake up really early, workout, get ready and eat breakfast. But I’m not, so I don’t.

The boyfriend and I have been going to the bootcamp for 2 weeks now and we have to keep track of everything we eat. One of the first things they told us we were doing wrong was eating a shitty breakfast. We were having instant oatmeal or a Tim Horton’s bagel. Apparently that’s really bad!! So we’ve cut out the instant oatmeal and the delicious bagels. Instead we’ve been eating Ezekiel bread (which is supposed to be really good for you, no preservatives etc..) and a protein shake.  I have noticed a huge difference, I’m not hungry at 10am anymore and I can totally wait until lunch to eat. And then I am not hungry in the afternoon and I can wait until dinner to eat.

I am really serious about this bootcamp thing. I want to follow the rules so I can see a difference, otherwise I wasted money on the damn thing. We are only allowed 2 cheats a week, we have to drink a ton of water and we can’t eat white carbs, “If it’s white, it ain’t right!”. I think I’ve done a good job!!

The one thing I am not doing a good job on is not drinking. It’s not like I drink a lot anymore, but I told myself I would try not to drink at all and have soda water instead. Sometimes it works and others, well I end up having one or two (which isn’t so bad, but do you know how many calories are in ONE beer?? and I love beer!!!!).  But you can’t deprive yourself of everything, otherwise what’s the point?

So, there is something I have kept from all of you. I am moving, again! Not that that’s a big deal, but I’m moving back home… Why? well I need to save money. If you have a choice to live at home or to live on your own, live at home! It’s cheaper and you can save to buy your own place one day. I started to big move yesterday. I’ll miss living on my own, and in the city (since I’m moving out of the city), but I know that in the end this is for the best.

The crazy part of it all is that if I didn’t move out of my parents house a year ago I probably would not have started dating the boyfriend as soon as I did, or even at all. Who knows. But I know that being out of my parents house had a huge factor in it all. So I look back on this experience fondly. And the apartment I live in is where the relationship began. He helped me move into the apartment even before we were dating. However, as with everything in life, this is just the next chapter and I look forward to the change!

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Jealousy

Jealousy:

A secondary emotion which refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something that the person values. Often consisting of anger, sadness and disgust. Jealousy has been found to occur in infants five months and older.

“Romantic jealousy is here defined as a complex of thoughts, feelings, and actions which follow threats to self-esteem and/or threats to the existence or quality of the relationship, when those threats are generated by the perception of a real or potential attraction between one’s partner and a (perhaps imaginary) rival.” (White, 1981, p. 24)[

We have all experienced some form of jealousy at one point or another in our lives. And sometimes jealousy is a major issue in relationships. http://www.askmen.com wrote an article about jealousy and outlined varying degrees of it:

Cute jealousy
Jealousy does not necessarily merit its negative connotation; after all, it’s normal for men to be suspicious of their women (and vice versa). Having reservations about her going to a strip bar with friends or not enjoying the sight of her drooling over some guy in a magazine are innocent examples of how some jealousy can be harmless, and a perfectly normal reaction.

Healthy jealousy
Likewise, a man who voices his concern over having his girlfriend go out with a bunch of guys or seeing another man flirting with her is also part of a healthy relationship. Oftentimes, a man is just looking out for his girlfriend’s well-being and women usually respect that. They may even be insulted if you don’t say anything.

Obsessive jealousy
The problem arises when aggression and/or violence accompanies the jealousy. Once you’ve reached this stage, you obsessively begin questioning her loyalty to you, and that sends you into a rage, maybe even causing you to use physical force.

I believe a little jealousy is good for a relationship because it shows you care and that the other person is not worth losing. But when jealousy is taken to another level, outlined in Obsessive jealousy, that’s when it can be a real problem.

So, what do you do to avoid obsessive jealousy? Well, sometimes it’s unavoidable. There are some men/women who are naturally jealous and will never trust anyone. In that case, it’s probably not the relationship you want to be in. However, there are people who have experienced bad relationships in the past and may need a little encouragement about your intentions with them. My best advice is to talk about the things that make you jealous. Set them all out on the table so that in the future your significant other will avoid the situations that make you jealous (they will if they respect you). In most cases, jealousy stems from one’s own lack of self-confidence, but again, this could have something to do with past relationships. If you really love the person, or if the person really loves you, then it is something that can be worked through.

The hardest part about dealing with jealousy, especially when you’re the one experiencing it, is when there are familiar feelings of jealousy. For example, if you are jealous of a friend of your boyfriend/girlfriend that is of the opposite gender, and those feelings remind you of a time when an ex left you for a “friend” of the opposite gender, then of course you’re going to feel like it is all happening again. The best thing to remember is to live in the present. Hopefully you learned from your past relationship and didn’t make the same mistake. It all boils down to trust, and without it a relationship cannot prosper.

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Free Pass

I came across this article today about how you handle having a bad day when your in a relationship. I found his point of view Interesting and it may just work! You need ton ask for a free pass when your having a bad day and your bad day affects another person.

I know that I am very affected by others emotions. If someone around me is unhappy I find it very difficult to not be unhappy. Or if my significant other is having a bad day I end up having one too. So maybe if we gave each other a free pass on the days that we are not ourselves than maybe most of our silly arguments won’t happen.

Unfortunately I don’t think this rule applies to other relationships.

Oh, and the boyfriend comes back tonight, yay!! I miss him a lot. It’s lame because it’s been only 3 days but I see nothing wrong with missing someone.

P.S. I have no idea how to upload an image to my post using an iPad and I had such a cute one for this post.

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Day Two of Three

Today is day two of three, and I know you are all itching to hear what I have planned without the boyfriend. Well today I am at work, as per usual, eating my lunch at my desk so I can take off a little early, because right after work I am going to a very popular work out class. Apparently it fills up fast! Then I will be heading to a very dear friends house for dinner and some hang out time. Since I didn’t get around to cleaning yesterday I may attempt to do some of that tonight, otherwise I will be dedicating tomorrow night to some GTL (Gym, take-out, laundry).

Do I miss the boyfriend? You have no idea how much. Because not only do we not get to see each other, but we can’t even talk on the phone (damn long distance). So far our time apart has taught me that I love him more than I thought I ever could love someone, that I am a big girl now, and that I don’t need to listen to other people who think we spend too much time together, because frankly I think we spend JUST enough time together!

I can’t wait for the weekend!! It’s one of my best friends birthday party, where both the boyfriend and I will be attending together *gasp*.

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