A new person joined my company back in January. He started on the same day as a previous colleague of mine who I referred to this company. When more than one person starts on the same day, they usually do all their orientation together for the first week. If things work out, you’re almost guaranteed a friend out of it. So in this case, I was already friends with the girl I referred the job to, and she became friends with this guy, so now there are four of us (two guys, two girls) who eat lunch together almost every day.
During lunch, we usually get into some pretty interesting conversations, but somehow our topics lead back to the new guy and his ex girlfriend. TNG (the new guy) was dating this girl for 3 ½ years, and he said that he was ready to propose. However, they broke up before the New Year (I’m not exactly sure when, but it was before he started in January). He never gives a reason as to why they broke up, other than she was immature and he couldn’t deal with it anymore. But to this day he still comes off as extremely bitter about it.
TNG’s ex girlfriend is currently dating someone else, which could be the reason he is bitter. She moved on, and if the story is true that he broke up with her than she moved on REALLY fast. So some bitterness is understandable. However, she still texts TNG. She sends him messages about how her current bf is “alright” but she just isn’t that happy, suggesting that she was happier with TNG. What I find really interesting is he talks about how bitter/angry he is with the break up, how immature she is and that he couldn’t deal with it, but he considers getting back together with her.
We’ve all asked him what it was about her that made her immature. His response was that she doesn’t like to cook… well that’s a little sexist if you ask me. But, he comes from a family that does that stuff for him already. He also said that she smokes too much. Ok, well I really don’t think that smoking too much and not cooking is a sign of immaturity. That’s who she is, and buddy, she isn’t going to change. But then I have to remind myself, TNG is also young. He’s not much younger than me, only about 2 years. But HE is young.
What I find really interesting about this entire scenario is that just over a year ago, sitting in the same lunch room, with a different group of people, sat myself and my current boyfriend. And where did our conversations end up then? How bitter he was about his “current” breakup. It was a very similar situation. It was a mutual break up months before I started working at the company; she was dating someone new and was still calling/texting him. It really got to him, just like it gets to TNG. This is exactly what she wants, attention. The fact that our lunch conversations end up back at these girls means they win. And I told TNG the same thing I told the boyfriend: don’t give her the attention she is obviously seeking. Ignore her, because once you ignore her and move on, she no longer wins.
However, I do think that if you want to “win” after a breakup (if winning is really important), you need to move on and genuinely be happy. If your ex wants to rub in your face how successful they are or how great their current relationship is, then be happy for them. Because the best revenge is no revenge at all.