Tag Archives: Marriage

Marriage…

Apparently the thing that has been on everyone’s mind.

Ok, maybe not everyone, but I feel like it’s everywhere.

I’ve reached the age where friends, friends of friends, facebook friends etc… are all getting engaged. On my day after Christmas, day after New Years, day after Valentine’s day facebook checks, I anticipate a new engagement announcement. I have now for two years.

A lot of my friends have been in long term relationships, or in relationships that they believe are “the one”. Which is great! But this also means there is talk of marriage almost every time we hang out. Whether it’s “we are going to get married, I’m just waiting for the proposal” or “I know he’s the one, it’s just too soon to get engaged”, it’s all talk about getting married.

I’m beyond excited to, one day, get married. I’m right in the middle of those two points. It’s not a matter of when he is going to do it, nor is it too soon. It just is. When it happens it happens.

I’m so content with where we are right now. We just bought a house together and we are just getting used to the idea of it being the two of us.

Don’t get me wrong, I definitely think about it, A LOT! But part of that is because people are always talking about it around me. When we announced we bought a house, the second thing people said to me (the first being congratulations) was “When’s the wedding?” or “are you getting married?” And since all my friends are talking about I feel like it’s on my mind constantly.

I’ve thought about everything. From the location, to my dress, to the flowers. I’ve thought about the planning and all the things you do leading up to a wedding. I’ve thought about who would be in my wedding. I’ve thought about it all! But I try very hard not to talk about it… and here I am, writing a blog post about it.

It feels like I haven’t stopped thinking about it for weeks now, and the only way to get it of my chest is to write it all down and maybe, just maybe, I can move on with my thoughts and think about something a little more productive, like what I am going to make for dinner.

So, do I want to get married? Yes, one day. When it’s time. Not that I have a set time, but just when it’s time. But the biggest question should be, do I want to marry him? And my response is: I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So even if he never “pops the question” I’ll want to be with him forever.

Now it’s time for me to stop thinking about it and let things just happen. Because if it never happens, I could be setting myself up for some major disappointment. But if it does happen, I want to be surprised and happy rather than relieved.

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Dreams: It’s what we’re made of

This morning I heard that Statistics Canada is no longer tracking divorce rates. Hmmm… one reason they said is because it will save them money. But the question here is why the hell does it cost so much to track these stats? Are there really THAT many people getting divorced? Another reason they said is because more and more people are living together for a long period of time without tying the knot.

What kind of hope does this provide all of us hopeless romantics who envision our lives as one big love story straight out of the movies?

I’ve imagined that I will meet the man of my dream (*ahem prince charming of course*) and we would fall madly in love. The kind of love that NEVER fades. The kind of love that people are jealous of. And the kind of love where you never disagree on anything (as if that exists). I imagined that he would propose to me in the most magical way possible.  Maybe by spelling it out in roses on a large open field surrounded by willow trees, or maybe flying me to Paris and proposing at the bottom of the Eifel Tower (although, I’ve heard that it’s not as romantic there as I thought. There are a lot of tourists, apparently). We would have the most romantic wedding and not a single person would have a dry eye in the house. Our parents would buy us our first home (HAHAHA!!!!!) and we would go on the honeymoon of any newlyweds dream (I’m still deciding whre that would be). We would move into our beautiful home with a white picket fence and a wraparound porch. We would have three children, two boys and a girl, and I would be a stay at home mom and… So apparently I’ve imagined my entire life to be a Hollywood love story.

But tell me, what’s wrong with dreaming?

Well, that’s exactly it, they are dreams. The reality is that there are people who get married and are madly in love and stay together for 60 years. And then there are people who get married too quickly, believing they are in love, and a couple of years later it doesn’t work out. And there are people who get to know each other, fall in love, and get married but fifteen years later divorce. But the overall trend here is that people give up on their dreams.

The boyfriend’s parents have been married for 26 years. And the boyfriend’s grandparents have been married for over 60. And my parents, well they divorced when I was 8.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I talked about what the difference is between a couple that stays together for 26 years versus one that doesn’t. I asked him “have your parents ever had a rough time in their marriage? And if so, how did they handle it?” He really didn’t know the answer. Part of not knowing is because he’s a guy and most guys wouldn’t ask their parents something like that. The other reason he didn’t know the answer is because he really never saw too much “unhappiness” coming from his parent’s relationship.

But what he has noticed is how supportive they are of each other. He’s noticed that no matter how wrong one of them may be, the other one supports them 100%. His mother will wake up super early on a Saturday morning to go for a long run with his father because that’s what his father loves to do. His father will stand by his mother’s side when she makes decisions/comments about her children’s lives, even if she is wrong. This may be the biggest challenge I will have in my relationships. Thanks to my stubbornness I may have some hurdles to overcome when it comes to 100% supporting my spouse.

Another thing the boyfriend and I talked about was giving up. This brings me back to letting go of your dreams. We all (well most of us) fight for what we believe in. I fight for finding the job of my dreams. I’ll keep fighting until I do. So why can’t we fight for the relationship of our dreams? We fell in love with our spouse for a reason, and when you made those vows at the altar, they weren’t just empty words. At that moment, you were living your dream. So when things get rough, what do most people do? They give up, because divorce is so easy these days. But if we all fought for our dreams, then we could work at keeping the relationship alive.

I’ve never been married, but from what I can tell, marriage is not easy. It takes some self sacrificing, some hard work and a ton of team effort. Just like buying your dream home, or going on your dream vacation, everything requires a little bit of work and a little bit of time (and usually a lot of money).

Fight for your dreams. We have them for a reason!

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Never Foget Your Cell Phone!

I forgot my cell phone at home yesterday. Who knew how much I could miss in only a couple of hours? I’m addicted to my phone, it’s pretty much attached to my hand. I’m not necessarily texting all the time, but rather reading tweets, checking out what’s new on facebook, and reading bbm status updates as they come.

I got home yesterday after what felt like the longest day of my life! But that’s a whole other story. It was around 8pm while doing the dishes when I realized I still had not checked my phone. So I run upstairs with the dishtowel in my hand and grab my phone. 3 bbm messages, 26 emails and 11 facebook messages later I finally felt caught up. Well, that was until I got around to catching up on the million bbm updates and actually looking at the what’s new wall on facebook when I saw it, one of my high school friends got engaged yesterday.

It’s not like she is the first person from my high school to get engaged, or married or has kids, but she is the first one of my actual friends to get engaged. My roommate from university got engaged, but we stopped talking a few years ago. So this friend is the very first friend, who I still talk to, that is engaged. I’m not saying this means anything, or that I’m even invited (we’ll have to wait and see) but it’s given me this feeling all day that I can’t explain.

Part of this feeling is realizing that I’ve kind of grown up; we’ve kind of grown up. I mean, I’ve always known I’ve “grown up”. I have a grown up job, I’ve moved out of my parents (but kind of moved back), I’ve bought a car (but sold it), I’ve been saving to buy a house etc… but having one of my close friends from high school get engaged is completely different. That’s like REAL LIFE! Marriage is real, more real than living on my own or buying my own car or having a real job. It’s combining two lives into one, for life (at least that’s what we hope for when we make those promises at the altar). And generally kids come after marriage, and if that isn’t real then I don’t know what is.

The other part of this feeling is a bit of sadness.

I’ve always wondered what it would be like when my friends started getting married. I always questioned who would be first.

I have a small group of friends from high school that I still talk with, and an even smaller group from elementary school. I even remember having the “who do you think will get married first” conversation with these friends. We all guessed I would be last, which I still think is most likely the case. But we could never decide on who we thought would take the plunge first.

Over the years our group of friends has changed, people have grown apart and some have moved on. But I’ve always tried to keep in contact with everyone and stay in the middle (or out of the middle in some instances). There was a time when this friend (who just got engaged) and I were best friends; well there were actually three of us. We did everything together! But I was always the one who lived further away and it was harder for me to be around all the time, so naturally the other two were much closer. As we got older we changed (as anyone would) and we started to grow apart. And even though our friendships have changed and are not what they used to be, I’ve still thought about who would be the first to get engaged/married.

When it happened, it made me a little sad. I thought about all the things the three of us talked about, how we would all be in each other’s weddings, and who would be the maid of honour, and how we would decide that when the time came. Maybe those dreams about our perfect weddings with our best friends were silly, but they are the memories that bring a smile to your face when you think back on them.

I’m so happy for my friend and I only wish her and her husband-to-be a life time of happiness and love.

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