Tag Archives: work

I miss this

I really do! I’ve barely had time to breathe though.

I’ve been so busy getting my personal trainers certificate, I’ve started teaching bootcamp and I’ve been spending every free moment at the gym.

I think about blogging, but then I can’t think about anything to say and I get frustrated and put it aside.

Part of the problem is there is nothing new in the relationship to talk about. We are both so busy we rarely spend a whole lot of time together. And when weekends approach we try not to make any plans so we can spend it together, but that never happens.

We hit a bit of a rough patch but we are working through it. I think it had to do with the fact that we haven’t had much time together, and I wouldn’t count the hour before bed, frantically running around the house getting ourselves organised for the next day, as “quality time”. It’s been tough. But we’ve been more open about our feelings and increased our communication so we don’t end up resenting each other because of it all.

It also doesn’t help that we are both conflicted with our careers. I’m so confused, and worried that I’ve chosen a path I’m not happy with. I don’t feel satisfied with my choice and I’m scared I’m getting too old to start something new. That and I would looooove to start my own business but financially it may not be possible. All this scares me. The boyfriend just isn’t happy and needs to figure out a solution to his discontent. He travels so far for work and it takes up so much of his “free” time, I would be frustrate too!! But he just doesn’t know what to do. We are both in a little bit of a funk.

And I miss reading all my favourite blogs as well 😦

Ohh to have time…

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I’m a Homeowner!

It seems I have started a trend on my blog. It’s how I start writing these days…”It’s been so long…” “I’m such a bad blogger…” “I promise I’ll blog more…” But all these promises are open promises and all my feelings of regret only last a couple of minutes. I’ve been busy, and this is not a lie.

I swear I haven’t had a minute to stop and write, let alone think of writing. Every once in a while I come back and catch up on some of my favourite blogs, but by the time I’ve caught up on their lives it’s time for bed.

I miss blogging, but only when I’ve had the time to actually think about it.

If you follow me on twitter (which I have also been slacking on), you may already know that the boyfriend and I bought a house. It closed on Monday. So we are officially home owners now! We don’t live there yet. We’ve decided to take our time, paint, furnish etc… and plan to be completely moved in by January.

The week leading up to our house closing was the most insane week in my entire life! The weekend before I had a trade show event I had to attend all weekend. By the time I got home on Sunday night  was so exhausted I passed out. On Monday morning I had my usual doctor’s appointment, which meant I had to stay later at work. Tuesday was the only day I could meet with the lawyer to close our house, so that also meant I had to stay at work later. Wednesday was the only full day I had to prepare for another tradeshow that was the coming weekend. That night the boyfriend and I went to visit his grandmother, who was very very sick (and unfortunately passed away this past weekend), and Thursday was the first day of the largest tradeshow of my career here. The tradeshow went all weekend and ended each day at 10pm. I was (and still am) exhausted. Monday we closed our house and got the keys.

My plan was to take the day off, but with being away at a tradeshow for two weekends in a row I had a ton of work to catch up on, so I came into the office for a couple of hours. Since I work close to the lawyer’s office, it was my duty to pick up the keys. I got the phone call at 3:30pm. I was so excited!!

 

So, five days later and I still haven’t caught up on sleep. We’ve been to our house twice this week and we’ve brought over toilet paper and a newspaper box… that’s pretty much all we’ve had time for. We were planning on starting our mini renovations this weekend, but with the passing of his grandmother that has been put on the back burner. Thank goodness we have family, like my father and his uncle, who love and are good at these types of mini renovations.

I promise I will put up before and after pictures. I just need to remember to take my camera with me when I go next time, otherwise there will be no before pictures to see.

But what’s new in the relationship, you ask? Well, not much. We’ve been learning to live together for the past 7 months, but it will never be the same as actually living together. I can’t believe it’s been 7 months since I moved out of my apartment in the city… Recently I’ve been trying to do a little more on my own. I love doing everything with the boyfriend, but I really do think it is important to spend a little time apart. I think it will become easier to do our own thing once we have our own place. I will be able to invite friends over, which will be so nice! I haven’t done that in such a long time.

I’m really looking forward to having our own lives, together.

Not working together has really changed our relationship. I feel like we are “normal” now. And we have more to talk about, even though I’m fairly certain he doesn’t really care about my workplace drama. I guess it’s hard to care when you don’t know the people. I have to beg him to tell me all about his workplace drama, otherwise he would never tell me willingly. It’s different because I know all the people he works with.

Oh, did I mention there is a bet on how long it will take me to get a cat. I’m going with 5 months. The boyfriend’s mom thinks it will be 3 months, max. I’m in love with their cats and when I’m away from the house for more than I day, I miss them like crazy. But these cats are not just your typical cat, they’re like dogs. They cry for your attention, they talk back to you (meow back?!?!) and they cuddle. I need a cat exactly like that! The best part about these cats, they’re like dogs but don’t require the work a dog requires, which is why I want one. I love dogs, but I don’t think I’m ready for their constant need of attention, walking, feeding etc… It’s too much work and it limits what you do. One day we’ll get a dog, but for now, I just want a doglike cat.

 

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I missed my own anniversary….

You know how you know you’re a bad blogger? You miss your own blogversary. Yeah that’s right, I missed it. Not intentionally. I set up a reminder for myself on my phone and I even tweeted myself a little “Happy Blogversary” but I didn’t come to the one place I was actually neglecting, my blog.

So here’s a little update on my life:

I’m insanely busy at work and I get home around 6:30 every night, get a work out in, scarf down my food and either work some more or it’s already so late I have to go to bed. Weekends have been just as crazy, but busy with social activities (at least I’m getting some socializing in). This past weekend was a full weekend of drinking and I’ve made a decision to give it up…yeah right! Impossible with my job. So instead I’ve decided to just not drink this coming weekend.

The internet at home hasn’t been working. It works sometimes, mainly during the day when I’m not there. So this has kept me from posting anything. I know I could be writing something and save it for when the internet is up and working, but I’m lazy.

The boyfriend and I have been looking at places. We are considering moving out on our own, which is so exciting!!! But don’t get too excited, it’s not going to be as soon as you think. We are taking our time looking, we want to find the right place and not jump into the first thing we see.

I’m more in love with him every day. This change in my life has been so uplifting that I am able to really see the good things that I have, and one of them if my boyfriend. I am happier than I have ever been (with him, but also with my life in general).

The only thing I need to improve (well, it’s definitely not the ONLY thing, but it’s at the top of my list) is making more time for my friends. Maybe when I get settled into the job a little more and get into a groove I’ll be able to start planning my social life a little more.

I feel like I’m all over the place and I haven’t had any time to just sit down and think. But I’m not complaining, I love the way my life is turning out and I couldn’t be happier with any of my decisions.

I promise I’ll finish my update on Hawaii. I’ll even post some photos.

XXOO

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Chapter 1: My first real job – comes to an end

I bought a car this weekend!!

That's my baby

I’m so excited. It’s my very first BRAND NEW car. I’ve had a car before, but it was old and didn’t have that new car smell. It took two full days out of my four-day weekend, but I got it done and I will have a car for my first day at my new job.

New car, new job, new beginnings.

I got really sad today. The boyfriend sent me a meeting invite for my last day at work lunch. It made me sad because it’s the end of this chapter in my life. A chapter I am very happy to be closing, but one that I will never forget. It was here (at the office) where I met the boyfriend, where we became friends and eventually a little more. It was here where I realized that I was not happy in my previous relationship and that I had a true friend who lent me his shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. It was here, one day after work while we were sitting in a park, where he told me he loved me.

I never expected when I started here that I would meet the love of my life. But since it happened, I never pictured our life apart. My moving on to another job does not mean our life is any less together; we just don’t get to share our lunch bags anymore, or go on our coffee breaks together. And no matter how much I will miss seeing his face all day long; this change will be good for us.

I’m looking forward to being excited to see him at the end of the day. I can’t wait to have so much to talk about because we didn’t get to talk about it at lunch or on our break. It will also be nice to be 100% open about our relationship. Not that it isn’t obvious, but I’ve felt uncomfortable discussing it at work. I’m excited that we will have two Christmas parties to attend. It’s almost like to have to convince myself that I’m excited to be away from the boyfriend when we all know that it’s impossible to get excited about something like that.

It will be a big change. I will be sad and I’m sure he will be sad.

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Pursuit of Happiness

If we’d stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time.”

I found this quote on the bottom of a colleague’s email and it got me thinking, we spend so much of our time worrying about how happy we could be, and what we can do to be happier, that we forget what it’s like to just be happy.

What makes you happy? Maybe it’s just a quiet night at home with a book and a nice glass of wine. Maybe it’s spending time with the people you love. Or maybe it’s just hanging out with your best friends. Whatever it is, you should be proud to do the things that make you happy rather than worrying about it.

The definition of unhappy: Not happy or joyful; sad or sorrowful. Not satisfied; displeased or discontented. I notice when I try hard to be happy, these feelings arise. I end up making myself miserable.

I would be happy if I could spend every day with the people I love. But rather than worrying about how much time I spend with them and what I’m going to do when I have free time, I should just live in the moment.

That quote can definitely apply to relationships. I was once in a relationship where I was so concerned about how happy we were and about doing the things that made us the most happy (or that helped us forget how unhappy we really were), I forgot to stop and think about how I really felt, which was miserable. If I had stopped trying so damn hard to be happy, I wouldn’t have been in the relationship for so long.

When I think about when I was the most happy, it was when I didn’t have to think about it at all. Sure, I’m REALLY happy today, but there are things that I have to dodge around in order to make my life “better”. I’ve had to work at being happy. But if I could just simply BE happy, then I know I was doing something right.

Tell me about the simple things that put a smile on your face?

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“…Saturday comes afterwards”

I’ve been feeling extremely undervalued lately and this feeling has caused some serious lack in motivation.

Just to clear things up, I’m not talking about my relationship with the boyfriend. I feel extremely valued in that department. But I’m referring to my job. I’ve been finding it extremely difficult to wake up in the morning and drag my tired bum to work. There just seem to be so many things going on where I feel like if I wasn’t here no one would even notice.

My manager left just over a month ago now, and I was really sad because she was an awesome manager, but at the same time a few light bulbs went off and I thought “SCORE! This is THE opportunity that I need to show myself to the company, that I can do more, that I have more potential, and maybe work my way into a promotion”…Well that definitely has not happened yet.

The other thing is that I thought I would be part of the recruitment process. That I would be able to meet some potential managers and that I would have a small say in what I thought about the person… Well that has not happened either. I walk by meeting rooms and see that there are interviews going on, 1st, 2nd and 3rd interviews and I still haven’t met any of the potential candidates. My biggest fear about getting a new manager is, what if we don’t get a long? So this brings me to the idea that it doesn’t matter if I don’t get a long with the new manager, because I’m expendable.

AND… the department has decided to do things a little differently this year and break the work up into 7 tasks. Everyone is assigned to at least 2, but generally 3 or 4 tasks and I’m assigned to 1. And the 1 that I am assigned to doesn’t even involve the VP, where as the other 6 do. Hmmm… Guess they stuck me on the one that no one even cares about anyway.

I’ve been here for just over a year. I understand that you have to prove that you’re capable of doing the work and holding your own, but I thought that with my manager leaving that was my perfect opportunity. Instead, I feel like I have been given even less responsibility.

On another note, it’s Friday!!

Tomorrow is day 2 of bootcamp and I am really looking forward to this for the next 10 weeks! Although, in 2 weeks I have to start training for the half marathon. I’m going to be so fit!!

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